Forgive me, I've only watched college football's biggest rivalry since 1970. So I've never watched the Wolverines go into their game with the Buckeyes when the maize and blue have a losing record.
But there you are. Michigan stands at 3-8. With a game in hand, they're already guaranteed to be the losing team in the 126-year history of Michigan football. Their defense has given up more points tan any Wolverine team ever has. Normally that would mean the offense is their strong suit. Except that the offense is currently 11th in the Big 10. They do have a damn fine punter though. So they've got that going for them.
Anyway, there are still a few Michigan football traditions worth clinging to. So here's my defensive viewing guide for today's game at Ohio Stadium:
1. Score baby score. Michigan's scoring streak is among the longest in the nation, if not the top of the list. They've put points on the board every game for a quarter century, last being shut out by the Iowa Hawkeyes, 26-0, in 1984 - their last non-winning season. And the last time the Buckeyes shut them out? 1962. Forty-six years ago. The Kennedy Administration. So yeah it's a big deal.
2. He's still a freshman, so pressure the hell out of him. Buckeye QB Terrell Pryor snubbed the Wolverines on the final day of the signing period, leading to a leaderless three-win season in Ann Arbor. Defense, let him know your true feelings. I know, "stop the running quarterback" is the decades-long battle cry of unsuccessful Wolverine teams past. But the longer they can stay in his head and keep him out of his game, the better off they'll be.
3. Please please please Lord, watch over the health of our quarterback. Stephen Threet, the backup-turned-starter-turned-injured-guy-with-headphones, didn't even make the trip to Columbus. So although I'm not entirely sure, I think Matt Sheridan is officially the backup QB on the 2008 depth chart. Rich Rod rotates them as he sees fit, but that's not possible. Michigan's fortunes rest on the shoulders of #8, essentially. Justin Feagin, a freshman recruit from Florida, is the second team signal-caller. He's been inserted into a few games toward the end of the season, mostly in the backfield. I think he even caught a pass. But he's just not ready for this.
Looking back, Michigan's most painful football moments occurred as a result of injuries at the quarterback position. The 6-6 season of 1984? The one dark spot of the last four decades of Wolverine football pre-2008? If you recall, that season started out with an upset of top-ranked and defending national champ Miami. The team was led by an upbeat sophomore named Harbaugh, who broke his arm in the second half of the Michigan State game. Michigan was 3-1 at the time. Last year's drubbing by Oregon was made possible in part by Chad Henne's disappearance during the second quarter. It wasn't known till after the game that he had been injured, and true freshman Ryan Mallet was forced to cut his teeth in the worst of circumstances.
Should Sheridan have a rough go, or should he go to the locker room wincing in pain, hundreds of thousands of maize and blue supporters will wince along with him.
4. Nobody routs the Wolverines...right? Michigan hasn't lost a game by five touchdowns in 40 years. Sure, it happened in the Horseshoe, 50-14 in 1968, the last game of the year 1 B.B. (before Bo). But the Wolverines have played almost 500 games since then. Only one team has beaten them by as much as 30 - Oregon, 39-7 last year. Only three times have they even lost by four touchdowns: Tennessee, 45-17 in the 2002 Capital One Bowl; Oregon last year; Penn State, 46-17 this year.
5. The wheels on the bus come off and off, off and off... This will be the toughest challenge of all. In the aforementioned Penn State game, the 29-point loss to Penn State, Michigan was actually ahead at the half, 17-14. In fact, the 2008 Wolverines would be in pretty good shape if they could make a rule retroactively ending all games at the half. (I'm not holding my breath on that one.) The disaster that is Michigan football 2008 is largely due to two things. First, horrid conditioning. In other words, the players are at three-quarter speed after three quarters. And second, nonexistent adjustment success by the coaching staff. Since the great comeback against Wisconsin that gave them 2-2 record--boy were those the days!--the Wolverines have been outscored in the second half by a whopping 134-40. One more time with that one. Opponents have outscored them by 94 points. That's nearly 10 points per game! And that's not counting whatever happens in Columbus. This may end up being the most telling statistic of all for this team.
So assuming they've scored points and things go the way they have against Notre Dame, Illinois, Toledo, Penn State, Michigan State and Northwestern - uh, safe bet - Wolverine fans will be in the unfamiliar position of cheering for garbage time. So save those timeouts, Rich Rod. You'll need them when you're down 40 with eight minutes left. Keep playing till the end. The school's very football pedigree is in the balance. Remember, a touchdown or two against the third-string Buckeye defense may not mean much to the fans streaming out of Ohio Stadium. But to students, alumni and fans watching all over the nation, it may be all we've got.
That said, it's worth noting that the Buckeyes have never beaten the Wolverines five times in a row. Also, no Michigan coach has ever lost their first Ohio State game. If Coach Rodriguez is eager to abandon Michigan tradition, he's well on his way.
One thing to remember. No matter how bad they lose today, NOBODY CAN TAKE AWAY THE JUG! IT'S OURS BABY!
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