The Shortest Post I've Ever Written

I don't really have anything to say except this. The Giants will beat the Pats on Saturday. What's a blog if you can't use it to forecast the occasional upset pick, right? I did pick the Tigers over the Yankees in four last year you know. Then again, I thought Michigan was a lock over Ohio State. I thought Les Miles was a lock for Michigan. I thought Rich Rodriguez would look forward to facing the Buckeyes in a week, not 11 months. So what do I know? Not much it seems. But I ams what I ams: a college-educated, critical-thinking, season-ticket-holding half-step better than a housewife picking helmets. Nonetheless, Giants over Pats this Saturday. The conditions are right. At least it'll make picking the Super Bowl champs (New England) much easier.

Lions 25, KC 20: Best Team of the MILLEN-ium

["SAD PUPPY" MUSIC FADES UP]

As long-suffering Detroit Lion fans know too well, "Millenium" starts with Millen. And as these loyal enablers have come to expect, a season under Millen ends with at least 10 losses.

That is, until now.

[MUSIC STOPS; CUE SOUND EFFECT OF NEEDLE YANKED FROM VINYL RECORD]

That nasty habit was kicked, abruptly and inconspicuously, today at Ford Field. In dropping the visiting Kansas City Chiefs 25-20--on the strength of two fourth-quarter stands by an awakened defense (see photo, taken by yours truly)--the Lions officially ended their string of double-digit-loss seasons at six. Proving once and for all that the second half of their season wasn't the death-spiral everyone had made it out to be.

Truth is, they're an up-and-coming football team who played consistent football all season long, despite one mother of a bottom-heavy schedule. At the halfway point, coach Rod Marinelli had this squad sitting at 6-2. The fickle, flat-earth fans who don't measure deeper than Ws and Ls--as well as the lion's share of local media--foresaw a post-season berth with all the certainty of a Jason Hanson 30-yarder. The more relevant issue was that of securing the most favorable playoff position.

Lost in the hysteria--after all, it was the Lions' first glimmering point of light since George H.W. Bush shared with us his thousand--was the fact that the team had not one impressive, eye-opening win. Not a single jaw-dropper to get Howie and Terry's flaps a-flapping the following week. The victory in Chicago was close, being that the Bears (losing record notwithstanding) were still technically the defending conference champs. And considering that Millen-era road wins within the division have been about as commonplace as Nintendo Wii systems on the shelves at Target. The Lions did pummel the Denver Broncos 44-7, at home, a solid team performance indeed given the failed opportunities of seasons past.

Yet, like the big-boned kid sitting on the teeter-totter, the other end of Detroit's schedule had all the meat, all the muscle, all the life to make up for the front part. Of the eight games comprising Act II of Season 74, six were against playoff teams--the Giants, Packers (twice), Cowboys, Vikings and Chargers. And three of those eight matchups involved 7-1 teams looking to ultimately lock down first-round byes. So good luck with all that, as they say.

Now we see that 1-6 should have been the expected result heading into the final week for this young team. A team struggling to find its identity, with a kiddie-pool-shallow roster peppered with injuries and limited talent and a field general figuring out how best to utilize it. And now they've secured their best record of the Millen era, even if they extend their drought at Lambeau and end up at 7-9. (Actually, the Lions' last road win against the Packers was 15 years ago, back when the Pack still played half its home schedule at Milwaukee's County Stadium... so I'm not sure offhand where their last win took place.)

Nonetheless, the best may be yet to come with the formerly Honolulu blue. Particularly when you consider my unofficial "Third Millenium, Even-Year, Rotating Detroit Championship" Theory. Here's how it goes: every even year this millenium, a different Detroit pro sports team has played for their league's championship. The Red Wings won the Stanley Cup in 2002. The 2004 Pistons stunned the basketball world by steamrolling the three-time champion LA Lakers to become NBA World Champions. And then in 2006 the Tigers, who hadn't even seen a .500 record since people played records, roared their way to the American League pennant and their first World Series since Ronald Reagan's first term. The next year in the numeric sequence is 2008. And if my little theory holds true, 2008 will be the Year of the Lion.

So it's not time to give up on your gridiron heroes, no sir, not yet. Just think about next year...

[INSPIRING MILITARY MARCH FADES UP AND UNDER]

...imagine an off-season trade for a legitimate quarterback, one who can better appreciate the talents of Kevin Jones, Roy Williams and Calvin Johnson... envision another season of solidarity for a young, talented O-line... picture a strong addition to a fiery young defense, preferrably a game-breaking DB who also loves returning kicks... then consider the role of karma, which HAS to turn the Lions' way at some point, right?

It all starts with the NFL draft next April. Man oh man, I can't wait to see which wide receiver they pick this time!

[MUSIC STOPS; NEEDLE-DRAGGED-OFF-RECORD EFFECT]

The Incredible Lions: To Infinity, And Beyond!

As I'm typing this the Detroit Lions are playing in San Diego, it's the first quarter and the Chargers are beating them infinity to zero. Okay, it's not technically infinity. But it is nonetheless an ever-increasing number (currently 17), only limited by the scoreboard hitting all zeroes and, ultimately, the Fox network signoff.

Two weeks ago, the Minnesota Vikings scored a touchdown every time they touched the ball until midway through the fourth quarter, when by then the score was 42-14 and it didn't matter. The Philadelphia Eagles had 42 points by halftime, and ended with 56. This they've-got-to-get-tired-sometime defensive strategy isn't working, and I can't be the only one getting tired of it. Oh, look, it's 20-0 now.

So will this ever end? I ask although I know the answer. No. As long as a Ford runs the ship, we're forever iceberg-bound. Detroit Lion futility has gone on as long as I can remember, but it's not a fair assessment since I've only been watching them for 38 years. But this is today as it was, as it will always be. The Lions are, were, and will be doomed to fail.

There are ways to tell when a franchise is a sure-as-sunrise-comes-tomorrow loser. First, the owner. In this case, the fat cat of the Lion empire, Mr. William Clay Ford. He sees himself as a success because he's got a beautiful new stadium with nice, comfy seats, which he somehow sells out to more than 70,000 mind-numbed loyalists eight times a year. Hey, beautiful, Chargers just scored again and it's 27-0. Where was I again. Oh yes, WCF. He also gets all the revenue lost to the city of Pontiac from 1975-2001. He conveniently ignores the fact that he's only won one playoff game in the last half century. That his teams have only been good enough to play two home playoff games in the last half century. And with our Super Bowl approaching its 43rd anniversary, his teams have only come as close as the conference championship game once--losing ugly on that stage of course, 41-10 to Washington.

The owner is also responsible for hiring unsuccessful general managers--and keeping them as their unsuccessful general managers for years on end. Ford handed the direction of the Lions to unproven Matt Millen, who responded by delivering his boss victory in only his 13th game on the job. Millen hasn't figured out a way to lose less than ten games a season since he took the job. An employee cannot be blamed for his own incompetence, so long as his employer keeps giving him a paycheck. Yet still, Millen is such an easy target because of his ability to hire the wrong coaches. M-and-M's seven-year tenure is marked by three other Ms: Mornigwheg, Mariucci and Marinelli. Halftime update, the Lions are on the board but it's 34-7, Bolts. Another game long lost by intermission.

The coaching position. The cornerstone of a winning--or losing--tradition. As the Lions are concerned, two points tell you all you need to know. First, prior NFL head coaching experience. In my experience--38 years, in case you don't remember--there have been 11 different head coaches of the Honolulu blue and silver. Three had coached previously: Don McCafferty (1973), Bobby Ross (1997-99) and Mariucci. The second point is NFL head coaching experience after leaving the Lions. Of those 11 head coaches, zero have moved on to coach another pro team. Touchdown, SD! 41-7 now. In fact, since Joe Schmidt retired 35 years ago only one coach has left Detroit winning more games than he lost, and that was because he only coached seven games (Gary Moeller's career coaching record was 4-3).

In short, Millen, or Ford, or the Lions (however you wish to see it) haven't considered experience a priority in their coach, which has resulted in a string of coaches who can't seem to land a job anywhere else afterward. (Except for McCafferty, who died raking leaves in his yard after one season on the Lions sideline.) If that doesn't help define a losing franchise, we can find something else. How bout this. We're in the fourth quarter and the score in San Diego is 51-14. Can you guess who has the 14?

Ethics Preffered But Not Essential (or What Do You Do With A Clueless Sailor?)

Well we've got no class
And we've got no principles
And we've got no innocence
We can't even think of a word that rhymes!

Alice Cooper, School's Out, 1971


The degree of a person's strength and character is best measured during moments of crisis. No better an example exists than the University of Michigan's athletic department.

Coach Lloyd Carr's announcement took no one by surprise. According to reports, it was understood as early as September that this would indeed be his final season at the helm of the Wolverines. Surely, more than enough time to enact that well-thought-out plan for finding a successor.

Being that Carr is no spring chicken to begin with, such plans had to have been conceived a year ago at least, maybe two. Right? This is the University of Michigan we're talking about here. A program that last endured a losing season during the Lyndon Johnson administration. A program that has been to 33 straight bowl games, and was 30-2-1 in the three non-bowl seasons before that.

Rarely in a situation like this does a candidate present himself as the heir to the throne as LSU head coach Les Miles had done. There was no second choice, no need for one. This was a Lou-Ferrigno-as-the-Hulk perfect fit. By now everyone knows why the copy-and-paste Schembechler clone seemed destined to don the "M" cap, so I won't rehash his pedigree and desire for the job. Instead I will focus my attention on the man who chose not to actively pursue Miles. The man who defended himself and his actions on principle yet, if the reports are accurate, abandoned said principles just a few days afterward.

Athletic Director Bill Martin, Lloyd's of London policy for Lloyd of Michigan and trusted guardian of a proud program's football future, defended his apparently casual attitude toward pursuing Miles in a statement the day after the former Wolverine player and assistant coach agreed to a multi-year extension with LSU: "I want to set the record straight as it concerns Michigan's process in its head-coaching search. We asked LSU for permission to talk to Les Miles last week and we were given permission to talk to Les but not until after the SEC Championship game on Saturday. Les Miles was one of our candidates. I did not talk to Les Miles or his agent this past week in accordance with the wishes of Skip Bertman and the LSU Athletic Department."

A March 2000 hire of former university president Lee Bollinger, first as inerim AD before his permanent upgrade five months later, Martin reiterated his adherence to these standards to the Ann Arbor News on Wednesday, saying "I committed not to talk to Les Miles, directly or indirectly before the championship game on Saturday. That's the way this process is done, or at least the way I'm honoring the process."

According to several sources, Martin was abandoning his principles the same day he was defending them. On Wednesday Martin reportedly met with Rutgers head coach Greg Schiano for several hours, sitting at adjacent tables and discussing more than the National Football Foundation's Hall of Fame dinner the previous evening. Reports said the meeting ended with both sides interested in the prospect of Schiano becomeing the next Wolverine coach, before Schiano announced this morning that he was going to remain at Rutgers (as I write this, it is not clear whether Martin had officially offered him the job).

Bob Mulcahy, the Rutgers AD, has been quoted as saying he was unaware of the meeting. More telling, he stated that he had not been approached by Martin or anyone at Michigan requesting contact with his football coach.

Martin has also offered an explanation for his mysterious disappearance last Friday, when he had the opportunity to return the previous day's call from Miles' agent, George Bass, and indicate any interest in his client (Martin admitted in Sunday's statement that Miles was indeed a candidate). "I was out on the boat (in Key Largo, Florida) with a donor, for an hour," Martin told the Ann Arbor News on Wednesday.

Forget for the moment the likelihood of flying to Florida for a one-hour boat ride in the Atlantic. My boss goes anywhere on vacation and people know how to reach him. The athletic director of one of college football's most prominent programs leaves town 13 days after the head football coaching position becomes vacant, and cannot be reached to return a call.

It begs the question: Is sailing more important than football to Bill Martin?

A look at his background is revealing if not downright creepy. From 1988 to 1991 Martin served as president of the United States Sailing Association, the sports's national governing body. He was awarded the Nathaniel G. Heereshoff Trophy in 2003 for outstanding contributions to the sport of sailing in the United States. His credentials may be impressive were he wearing Mary Sue Coleman's shoes (and if that's his desire, we'll just keep it our secret). But with no experience indicated for any non-sailing sport (much less football), Martin's biography in the Michigan football media guide seems to indicate that of a person better suited to hire the crew coach than anything else.

Now couple that with his on-the-job experience regarding the coaching positions of Michigan's high-profile sports teams. Aside from Carr, who had been given a free pass to coach until he felt like calling it quits, Martin's biggest imprint on Michigan athletics was deciding to stick with basketball coach Tommy Amaker for six agonizing seasons despite the Wolverines never qualifying for the NCAA tournament. That is, until his inexcusable misread of the Les Miles situation. And considering his inability to sell the University of Michigan coaching opportunity persuasively enough to lure a guy away from Rutgers, bigger imprints may be yet to come.

It's enough to give even the most rabid Wolverine fan a case of sea legs.

The Les Miles Fallout: 20 Questions, 0 Answers (So Far)

(Photo, "This Chip Shot Should Do It", was taken by yours truly on Sept. 1, 2007, moments before the Michigan Wolverines found themselves on the losing end of one of the greatest upsets in college football history.)

Oh, what I would give for a bottle of truth syrum and five straws. One each for outgoing Michigan coach Lloyd Carr, athletic director Bill Martin, current (and future) LSU coach Les Miles, his athletic director, Skip Bertman, and ESPN "journalist"/analyst and Ohio State alum Kirk Herbstreit.

So much information these people possess, so many answers, so many things they will NEVER tell a living soul. Sure, you can ask them whatever you like, and you can bet they'll have something nice and polished to say in response--be it the politically correct statement, the rehearsed answer their employers are telling them to say, or the calculated angry explosion in lieu of response. But just think how cool it would be to really know what went on and why. We could see how things appeared (and how they smelled). We could see who the winners and losers were. We could see the apparent motives and yet we now can only speculate as to the real reasons.

So while they're knocking back the syrum, I've pulled together an unofficial inquiry. Being that "20 questions" is a popular number, here are my 20 for what I will call Herbiegate. (Why not? Every contraversial series of events gets the "-gate" suffix from some media figure anyway. I had to do it once in my lifetime.) Here's what I'd ask these five suspects (as well as the powers that be at ESPN), while they slurp away at their potion like doey-eyed teens sharing a big choloate malted at the ice cream parlor...

1. to Miles: Does your new $3.0 million contract extension have a "Michigan Clause" built in, like the old one?

2. to Martin: Had you leaked your "assurance" that Miles was your #1 man on Friday, there's a strong chance he would have taken a leap of faith instead of agreeing to continue at LSU, as yours was the job he has always wanted. But countless people reported that you were unreachable all day, on this most crucial of days to be reachable. You've been quoted as saying that you're putting all your energies into the process, that this is your primary responsibility. So where were you last Friday?

3. to Herbstreit: How could you feel you had enough information to run with your story, when you didn't even know that Martin and Miles hadn't spoken with each other?

4. to the program director at ESPN: How on earth would you allow one of your reporters to break a story of such magnitude, one that would impact the futures of two prominent college football programs, hours before one of them was to play their conference championship game, based on such little evidence? As journalists, what exactly told you Herbstreit's story was solid enough to run with?

5. to Herbstreit: Being that I've never heard of anyone apologizing to a guy for making him a million dollars in one day, I can't help but be curious... what did you apologize to Miles for when you called him Saturday night? And did you call Martin as well, since he seems to be a more deserving recipient of your mea culpa?

6. to Martin: If Miles was not your top choice, which your lack of persistence seems to indicate, was there someone else you had in mind? Or are you waiting for one of your 20 candidates to "shine" during the interview process?

7. to Martin: You've mentioned such selection criteria as number of DUIs, whether he pays his bills and behaviors that could embarrass the university. What priority do you place on his coaching and/or recruiting abilities? Aside from your job title, what specifically qualifies you to choose a head football coach, particularly one who holds the fate of a perenially successful program in his hands?

8. to Herbstreit: Would you have broken a similar story in similar circumstances had the coaching vacancy been at Ohio State?

9. to Martin: You knew this would be Carr's final season back in September. With this in mind, after watching an entire season of college football, please tell me you have one or two names that you would love to see as the next Michigan coach. Right?

10. to Bertman: According to reports, you begain crafting Miles' extension last Wednesday and finished on Friday. After Herbstreit's "scoop" on Saturday morning, you revised the contract and reached a verbal agreement with Miles before your school's game that afternoon. If you felt the need to rush a contract together in less than three days, particularly one that forced Miles into an immediate answer, why then are you giving him six weeks (until after the BCS Championship game) to sign it?

11. to Martin: If Miles was THE top candidate in your eyes, why would you bother calling his agent on Sunday, a day after he put together a $3.0 million contract for his client, to tell him Miles was one of several candidates you were considering? Did you think you were being shrewd, and if so how did you think they would respond?

12. to Carr: did the timing of your retirement have anything to do with your predecessor announcing his retirement after the Ohio State game in 1989? And if this was your intention, why did you announce the press conference on the day before the Ohio State game? Given that Bo's mid-December announcement was by design a surprise to most, why did you tip off your intentions before the biggest game of the season when it would very likely become a distraction?

13. to Herbstreit: If you hadn't gone on the air last Saturday morning with your story--which you now realize was untrue--where do you think Les Miles would be coaching next season?

14. to Martin: you mean to tell me you have 20 candidates and plan on conducting 20 interviews? Wasn't the timing of Carr retiring--a topic he surely discussed with you--designed to have a new coach in place before the heart of recruiting season? In light of your comments about having 20 candidates you plan to interview for the position, do you honestly think you'll reach a decision by the end of 2007?

15. to Martin: Being that you likely won't spend the sum a high-profile name would demand, you will end up taking a chance on a somewhat (or completely) unproven coach. Loyalty being a cornerstone of the Martin regime (as exemplified by your six-year experiment with basketball coach Tommy Amaker, who never reached the NCAA playoffs), how long will you tolerate a lack of success on the football field? In other words, should the new coach preside over Michigan's first losing season since 1967, which given the above point is a very realistic possibility, do you have the stones to pull the plug on your coaching choice? Or could there be multiple losing seasons in Michigan's immediate future?

16. to Herbstreit: If you still stand behind your story and the source(s) behind it, if you feel you did nothing wrong, why do you now say that you will never gather information and report news again?

17. to Carr: You have been quoted as saying that you don't plan on being a part of the selection of your successor, and that you timed the announcement of your retirement to allow for a new coach to take over. Yet you agreed to retire only after assuring the yet-to-be-named coach that he must keep your staff for the 2008 season, and now there are rumors that your not being in Miles' "camp" may have played a part in what happened. Why do you act like you're not involved when you really are?

18. to Herbstreit: How could you say you're not comfortable breaking stories and you'd rather leave it to the true journalists, yet do what you did on Saturday?

19. to the program director at ESPN: We the public now know that as of Saturday morning, Miles and Martin had never actually spoken, much less met. Now that you realize the story was not only inaccurate but led to the course of events that transpired, why have you not apologized for the release of such misinformation, or the fact that your irresponsibility alone created the news that it did?

20. to Martin: No potential candidate has anywhere near the level of ingenuity of Boise State head coach Chris Peterson, who built a perennial power in Idaho and could do wonders given the product of Michigan football. Since you blew it once already by letting Miles get away, will you please give Peterson a fighting chance for the job? I'll drop to a knee and ask for your hand in marriage if you do, I promise.

Nicely Played, Mr. Herbstreit... You Must Be So Proud

Last time I checked, media figures aren't supposed to take advantage of their positions and create the news themselves. But sometimes, as Agent Cooper used to say in Twin Peaks, “things are not always what they seem.”

Take the example of Kirk Herbstreit.

Yesterday morning, hours before the LSU Tigers were to compete for the SEC Championship, the co-host of ESPN’s College GameDay pregame show broke the news that LSU head coach Les Miles was on his way to Ann Arbor, having agreed to coach the Michigan Wolverines beginning next season. Herbstreit cited a reliable albeit unnamed source who told him it was a “done deal.”

As it turned out, Miles said he had neither visited Ann Arbor nor been in contact with Michigan athletic director Bill Martin for the purpose of pursuing the Wolverines’ vacant head coaching position. Communication and face-to-face meetings being pre-requisites for virtually all administrative hirings in this country, this revelation would have rendered Herbstreit’s scoop at the least premature, if not entirely baseless.

Nonetheless, the former Ohio State University quarterback ran with the story. Whether the network checked the source and felt it was solid enough to give him the go sign, whether they consulted and ultimately dismissed what each school had to say, is unclear. What is clear is that Herbstreit’s misinformation set into motion a rapid chain of events that resulted in Michigan's top (read: Michigan’s only) candidate for head coach verbally agreeing to a lucrative contract extension that will keep him at LSU for the foreseeable future. Thereby evaporating, in a matter of hours, any chance for Michigan to speak with Miles—a request granted by LSU athletic director Skip Bertman just a day earlier.

Of course, Herbstreit still stands by his story even now, despite the assurances of everyone in the LSU athletic department that Miles has not and will not entertain offers from any other schools, period. And despite the fact that no one seems to be interested in how such misinformation could have made it in front of the cameras, at such a critical time for so many affected parties, there are some of us that just can’t ignore the smell.

What Herbstreit’s reporting seemed to lack in journalistic integrity, it more than made up in school spirit. From his white-hot intensity to his intolerance for failure at any level, Les Miles is Little Bo, pulled directly from the Schembechler mold. And as such, the seemingly perfect fit to replace the retiring Lloyd Carr, the key to restoring Michigan football to prominence as one of the most successful programs in the nation. And as anyone from Michigan or Ohio can tell you, that means beating your arch-rival on a regular basis.

As talk grew that this was very likely Carr’s last season as coach, speculation grew that the position was Miles’ if he wanted it. For the one-time Schembechler assistant, this was the holy grail of opportunities—so much so that he had a “Michigan clause” written into his LSU contract, allowing him a buyout should a coaching vacancy arise in Ann Arbor. Nothing spoke to his devotion to U-M more than the stories his colleagues would share of Miles dropping to a knee as he spoke of his alma mater—out of sheer reverence.

So given all this back story, why the sudden change of heart? What would cause the man to negotiate a contract extension, particularly while he’s working to prepare his team for the SEC Championship game?

One guess would be Miles’ desire to concentrate on his team, his players and their goal of winning the SEC title without distraction. Another guess would be to avoid the negative impact that any unfounded speculation would have on his current employer’s recruiting efforts. And still another guess would be that he simply received an offer he could not refuse. All three serve as plausible rationale for Miles’ actions; similarly, all seem to be direct consequences of breaking an unsubstantiated news story about his agreeing to coach Michigan.

As Oklahoma's dismantling of #1 Missouri became apparent, assuring Ohio State of a trip to New Orleans and a berth in the BCS championship game, the former Buckeye signal-caller became almost giddy. Awash in scarlet-and-gray pride and even giggling at times during the broadcast. Not only had his Buckeyes gained another shot at the national title, but the hated Wolverines had lost their best hope of drawing even with their bitter rival. And all—it seems—because coach Miles was fed up with “misinformation”, as he put it, becoming a distraction for his team; and because the university, fed up with speculation of his leaving Baton Rouge for Ann Arbor, offered him the keys to the kingdom. And all—it seems—because of an ESPN report on a “done deal” between Miles and Michigan. Smell anything yet?

Whether anyone bothers to get to the bottom of this or not, the former Buckeye’s well-timed misinformation should garner him an honorary pair of gold pants next November during Senior Day in Columbus, held the night before what could be OSU's fifth straight win over the Wolverines. He may also find a nice little gold-and-purple gift-wrapped surprise under the family tree this holiday, bearing the inscription, "From Les With Love..." Herbstreit’s bogus reporting ended up making Miles a million or two richer than he was when he woke up this morning, but his work was far from finished. As the final minutes of Oklahoma’s upset win ticked away and #2 West Virginia's 13-9 upset loss to Pitt (a 28-point underdog) went final, Herbie completed what by all appearances could be considered the most ambitious one-day campaign for a spot on the LSU Board of Regents on record, by lobbying voters to figure out a way to move LSU up to #2 so they can play his Buckeyes for the national championship. This would involve the Tigers (who are currently #6) leap-frogging two higher-ranked teams (Kansas and Georgia), and staying ahead of white-hot USC and Oklahoma.

As I type this, Coach Miles has just phoned into ESPN and is now stumping furiously for his team on SportsCenter. He has become this year's version of Urban Meyer, another step closer to New Orleans with every spin of the media machine. If you still don’t smell something by now, go find a mirror. You nose may have fallen off.

Will Mr. Herbstreit be reprimanded for his actions? Will someone at ESPN bother to investigate his "reliable source"? Or will all of this receive a quiet burial, as quickly forgotten as the $20 million carrot fellow Ohio State University sympathizer George Steinbrenner dangled in front of Wolverine quarterback Drew Henson in 2001 (all Drew had to do before endorsing the check was simply forego his senior year as the Wolverines' starting QB). Remember 2001? Year One of the Tressell Era? The first Buckeye victory over Michigan in seven years?

(It's irrelevant but nonetheless worth noting at this point that Drew Henson did beat Ohio State once, in 2000... or one more time than Herbstreit defeated Michigan in his career.)

ESPN’s aforementioned analyst notwithstanding, there are many culpable forces behind the Les Miles Debacle. First, Coach Carr, who decided to call it quits the day before the Ohio State game. It showed the following day as the listless Wolverines turned in their least-productive offensive performance since Bo was a Woody Hayes assistant nearly a half-century ago. Carr's November 19 announcement forced the school into its coaching search before most conferences had finished their regular season schedules. Second, athletic director Bill Martin. Who approaches their top candidate's athletic director while the top candidate is preparing his team for their conference championship? Particularly when he all but begs you to wait until the season is over?

And lastly, Les Miles himself. The braintrust inside the Michigan athletic compound should never again afford him the opportunity to accept--or decline--the position of head football coach. To put it mildly, Miles' words and actions did little honor to the school that gave him his degree, his varsity letter and his first coaching job. In fact, if his post-game press conference is any indication, it seems the Wolverines provided him little more than punchline material. After insisting that he's still a Michigan man and will wear the blue whenever they play Ohio State, he then smiled and added, "eventually they're gonna win".

Writers and reporters chuckled, surprised by the coach's playful treatment of such a sensitive topic. All the while, the road for the maize and blue grows longer, the mountain higher. It's tough to be a Michigan Wolverine these days. You can see it on the faces of all connected to the U--from players and coaches to alums, boosters, season-ticket holders and casual fans. Being Ohio State's bitch is difficult enough. Being punked by a fellow Michigan man is another thing entirely.

U-M vs MSU: Little Brother? You Could Do Worse

(Photo of Big Brother taking on Aunt Nittany taken Sept. 22, 2007, by yours truly.)

So Michigan State football coach Mike Dantonio takes issue with Wolverine tailback Mike Hart's reference to the Spartans as Michigan’s “little brother”. Guess what, coach? It’s the truth. Deal with it. If any school in the conference deserves the title of little sib, it's the one with the inexplicable green-and-white chip on its shoulder. Hands down.

Now before I’m attacked by a group of online Spartans and burned in virtual effigy at cedarvillageapartments.com, I ask for some perspective. We’re talking about a conference with 11 members called the Big 10. Let's not kid ourselves, this is one big dysfunctional family. So if you look at it in the proper context, a younger sib reference is almost flattering. Kind of like being Marilyn Munster.

Here's my question. Why stop with just one school? These Royal Tanenbaums of the NCAA all wade in the same gene pool, right? Each one should get a part in the play.

For example, if Sparty is indeed little bro, that would make Michigan the big brother— perhaps even the first born. Which would explain this constant need to roll out every single accomplishment, including some that stretch the truth the way Coach Weis stretches sans-a-belt slacks. Who else could spin a newspaper’s post-Rose Bowl opinion poll into the 1947 national championship? First-borns also have this habit of… um, let’s just say they don’t lose very well. Usually end up blaming the rules and insisting that changes be made (see Big 10 No-Repeat Rule, 1975). And when there’s no blown call or key injury to use as an excuse, an explanation will ultimately arise to justify their lack of success. From the crown of the field being too heavily pitched, to a few that could even be considered petty. Those Wolverines do make very strong leaders, though. Just don’t be the one to tell them otherwise!

Ohio State? They're the crazy cock-eyed uncle who lives in the attic. Every holiday he belly-crawls under the dinner table in combat fatigues, screaming at people to “get away from the windows!” A healthy mix of bipolar disorder and hypochondria propels him through each autumn football weekend, where a single defeat can send him death-spiraling into the abyss. A decade or so ago my brother-in-law's father, a die-hard Buck nut, refused to speak to anyone after his team lost to the hated Wolverines. The fact that he had climbed to the top of a telephone pole in his long johns and was too drunk to reason his way down only emphasized his dispair.

Penn State is our loyal great-aunt, Nittany. Faithfully married to her high school sweetheart for 56 years... yet, as his dimentia worsens, she wrestles with her ambivalence. There’s so much out there in the world, so many new experiences, but she just can’t let go of her schmoopie after all those glorious years together. 1986, 1994, the ‘60s. Maybe it’s the very thought of trying something new that frightens her into staying with ol’ what’s-his-name. After all, they have so many wonderful memories. How could she say goodbye?

The Iowa Hawkeyes are the freeloading second cousin (picture Randy Quaid from National Lampoon’s Vacation). The guy that stops into town and says he just needs a room for a week or so, then somehow ends up staying through Christmas. He accidentally invented some sort of cattle feeding system and every now and then, he gets this huge check in the mail. But it’s gone before the next payday, either at the corner saloon or one of them fancy clothing stores— or hopelessly lost in the occasional “can’t miss” investment scheme an unemployed friend shares with him. His moments of true achievement are few and far between; for the most part, he never amounts to nothing.

Northwestern? We all know him. Northwestern was the under-developed sibling with an undisclosed airborne allergy who wore black socks in gym. One year his standardized test scores fell into the “gifted” category, so mom and dad enrolled him at a private school. He has since graduated with honors and now owns a sprawling split-level colonial in some gated suburban community where the security guards scowl at you each time you visit. He never had many friends, but he still has the complete, barely-used set of original G.I. Joes from his childhood, each figurine's box carefully broken down and folded for safe-keeping. Naturally, the set just appraised for upwards of $40,000.

Illinois is that older brother who never seems to study— he plays ball, hangs out and just has a good time— and does just fine nonetheless. Even when there are consequences, like the occasional probation years, they never seem to get him down. He somehow finds a way to be successful, even when the situation appears bleak. His basketball team may be down 15 in the final minutes of a regional final. But no worries, it’s nothing a few treys can’t fix. His football team might suffer four straight losing seasons. Then poof! With a little focus, he ends up winning ten games. Or beating the #1 team in the nation. And all the while, he’s as cool as the bottom of the bedsheets.

Then there's the funky big sis, Indiana. Who can forget our mysterious little Hoosier. Nobody’s ever really sure what she’s up to, never sure if she’s in her room or out of town for the weekend. She’s hip and pretty yet somewhat distant, a good student to be sure but one with a burning desire to realize her true potential. Things are so much better for her now that she dumped that angry boyfriend of hers. How anyone could hang out with that chair-throwing maniac as long as she did is beyond me. Anyway, she’s quirky, she’s got a lot of hot friends, and no one has a better music collection.

Purdue is the rustic uncle from Dad’s side of the family. Grew up in the woods without running water. Built his family’s log cabin on a Thursday (he had plans that weekend). And once took his football team all the way to California. Real purdy place too. Didn’t matter if they won, cause as he likes to say, “they wouldn’t have you there if you weren’t a winner already.” Among his prized possessions are a skunk-skin hat and a pipe hewn from the antlers of a twelve-point buck.

There’s our big-boned brother, Bucky Wisconsin. The self-proclaimed "human garbage disposal." Who eats off another person’s plate at their own wedding reception? Who does this? Bucky has read of pride before, but he can’t cite the reference. He starts tailgating before dawn and doesn’t know when to leave, often staying long after the game’s over just to sing drinking songs. No seat seems to be comfortable or wide enough for Bucky. But no one is more faithful, and no one will gladly give you the shirt off his back like this big lug of a Badger. By the way, that shirt can be converted into a six-person tent if necessary.

That leaves Minny. The unusually efficient aunt with no kids, who never married, and who insists on finding a home in the least hospitable environment imaginable. She’s an eccentric little gopher, but you love her anyway. Sheer fascination alone draws you in. Besides, you’ve never seen anyone use 98% of a mackerel before. How do you look away? Minny's living quarters are modest, and she's quite content playing her team's games in someone else’s arena. So every other week it's off to the Metrodome. That’s where she's had her mail delivered for decades, so she's used to the drive.

See, Sparties? The little brother thing isn’t really an insult at all. it just means you’re a relatively normal part of one big, fat family. A family in dire need of therapy, sure, but a family nonetheless. So do as your folks said. Support each other in the outside world, because when one of you succeeds, it makes the whole family stronger. And remember, always stay away from loners like that Notre Dame kid. They’re nothing but trouble.

College Football 2007: Many States Of Euphoria

2007 has become a memorable year in the college football world. Or at least this college football-mad country of ours. As was the case with the Oregon Ducks and the performance of their amazing QB Dennis Dixon last month in Ann Arbor (see photo, taken by yours truly), it seems like almost every state has had--or will soon have--an indelible moment from this past year:

Alabama: The Nick Saban era begins. It's not earth-shattering news that Saban could well bring a national championship to title-starved Tuscaloosa. A sentiment shared by the 93,000-plus fans that jammed into Legion Field last April to watch perhaps the most memorable spring game ever played.

Arizona: Unbeaten Arizona State University reached the top 5 before dropping a hard-fought battle to the PAC 10’s other top-5 team, Oregon, on November 3. However, if the Ducks find their way to New Orleans, coach Dennis Erickson’s Sun Devils could find their way to Pasadena for the first time since the days of Jake the Snake Plummer.

Arkansas: Arkansas’ fans have been chanting “Run DMC!” ever since phenom Darren McFadden came onto campus. He is currently a front-runner to win the state’s first Heisman Trophy, and recently turned in a performance for the ages, tying an SEC record with 321 rushing yards in a 48-36 win over South Carolina.

California: Okay. Stanford University traveled to USC on October 6, 2007, as a 41-point underdog. The top-ranked Trojans had won their last 35 games at home. Stanford’s first-year coach, Jim Harbaugh, decided earlier in the week to give Tavita Pritchard, a sophomore quarterback who had thrown a total of three passes, his first career start because he had a “bounce in his step” and a “gleam in his eye”. USC gained 459 yards to Stanford’s 235. Yet the Cardinal scored 17 fourth-quarter points, capped by an 11-play, 45-yard drive in the final three minutes that saw Pritchard convert two fourth-down miracles: first, a fourth-and-20 strike off an ad-libbed pass play when he couldn’t hear Harbaugh’s signals from the sideline; and second, a fourth-and-goal prayer pulled down by a leaping Mark Bradford in the corner of the end zone with :49 left for the win. If anyone knows of an upset as improbable as this in the last half-century of college football, please let me know.

Colorado: The Buffaloes’ 27-24 upset of #3 Oklahoma in Boulder on September 29 put Colorado football right back on the map. A place it hasn’t been since CU won its only national championship in 1990.

Connecticut: This whole New England state has gone football crazy. In Storrs, #16 UConn is 8-2, one win from the third nine-win season in the Huskies’ 111-year football history. And down in New Haven, 9-0 Yale is, well, far ahead of the rest of the Ivy League, its defense surrendering an average of less than seven points a game.

Florida: The first week of January 2007 saw the biggest win in Florida Gators football history as they pounded the heavily favored #1 Ohio State Buckeyes in the Fiesta Bowl for the BCS Championship. This game gets the nod over the Gators 52-20 win over arch-rival Florida State a decade earlier simply because the school’s basketball team was the defending national champion as well.

Georgia: Georgia Tech rolled into South Bend and pounded Notre Dame like no one ever has in their home opener, 33-3. Who knew everyone else in creation would pound on Notre Dame this season? No matter. It was still a cool way to start the 2007 season. On November 10 in Athens, #10 Georgia made history as they broke out black jerseys for the first time in a half century and rode the mo to a 45-20 rout of the #18 Auburn Tigers.

Hawaii: The Rainbows... er, Warriors. Not only is the University of Hawaii the first school to change its name into something politically incorrect, they’re in the midst of an historic 2007 season. Hawaii finds themselves one of the few remaining unbeaten schools (as of November 10, Kansas is the only other D-1 team without a loss), and firmly entrenched in the BCS top 25. Three more wins and UH will follow last year’s WAC champ Boise State (see below) with a BCS at-large berth. Coincidentally, they host BSU on November 23.

Idaho: New Year’s Day, 2007. Boise State comes from behind in miraculous fashion, beating a strong Oklahoma team on national TV in their BCS bowl to finish a perfect 13-0 season. The running back who scores the game-winning TD (on a trick-play in overtime) drops to his knees literally seconds afterward and proposes (successfully) to his cheerleader girlfriend. Cut to end credits.

Illinois: The University of Illinois upset ranked teams Penn State and (then #5) Wisconsin in consecutive weeks. But these treats were mere cheese appetizers to the main course, a November 10 shocker over top-ranked Ohio State in the Horseshoe, 28-21. I’m guessing the fireronzook.com domain no longer exists.

Indiana: Purdue rolled over Notre Dame in West Lafayette, always a fond and lasting image. Both the Boilermakers and the Indiana Hoosiers are bowl eligible for the first time in recent memory, and Notre Dame—in the midst of its worst season ever—seems to make history every week they play.

Iowa: Yes, Iowa upset #16-ranked Illinois. Yes, it was the Hawkeyes' biggest win this year. Yes, it helped the Hawkeyes become bowl eligible. But no, it's nowhere near as memorable as Gateway Conference power Northern Iowa's rise to the top of the D-1AA polls. The 10-0 Panthers’ latest bit of history: a 68-13 detonation of Indiana State, the third highest GFC point-total ever. UNI rushed for over 400 yards, with three backs hitting the century mark.

Kansas: The Jayhawks are ranked #3 in the BCS standings with a 10-0 record, the only remaining unbeaten team from a BCS conference. This is Kansas’s longest winning streak since the ’07-08 season—1907-08 that is—and their first 10-0 start since the McKinley Administration. 18-freaking-99. Even with all that history being rewritten, scoring 76 on the long-time bullies from Nebraska would be enough by itself.

Kentucky: The University of Kentucky has not enjoyed this much football success since the days of coach Paul “Bear” Bryant. They cracked the top 10 in September, then recorded what may be the most significant upset of this college season when QB Andre Woodson found Steve Johnson in the end zone in the third overtime, leading the Wildcats to a shocking upset of #1 LSU 43-37 on October 13. Fans flooded Commenwealth Field to celebrate the biggest win in stadium history.

Louisiana: LSU reached #1, then came from behind to beat Florida and retain the top ranking. Losing in triple overtime to Kentucky was but a mere stumble as the Bayou Tigers slowly climbed their way back, ultimately regaining the BCS #1 ranking after Ohio State’s upset loss to Illinois. They now control their destiny, and lest we forget, this year’s BCS Championship Game is in nearby New Orleans. Last time the Sugar Bowl hosted the BCS title game, in 2004 the Tigers beat Oklahoma for its last national championship.

Maryland: The streets in Annapolis were filled all night after Navy finally discovered the venom for the mother of all snakebites, beating Notre Dame in double-overtime for its first win over the Irish in 45 years. Navy’s last victory over the Domers was led by a QB named Staubach. The Midshippmen followed this historic win by making more history, beating North Texas State 74-62 in the highest-scoring regulation game in NCAA history.

Massachusetts: Boston College was unbeaten and ranked in the BCS top 5 until being upset November 3 by Florida State. Nonetheless, 2007 should be the school’s best season since Heisman Trophy winner Doug Flutie ran the Eagles’ offense back in the high-top-and-fades early ‘80s.

Michigan: The fifth-ranked Michigan Wolverines opened their season by welcoming its first NCAA Division 1-AA opponent, Appalacian State University. What followed may be the most historic upset in the history of college football, as the Mountaineers pulled off a 34-32 shocker before 110,000 stunned fans in Ann Arbor. In terms of positive memories, perennial power Grand Valley State is 9-0 and once again ranked #1 in the D2 polls.

Missouri: The University of Missouri is currently 9-1 and ranked #6 in the BCS standings. Not since Dan Devine’s 1960 Tigers (11-0, #4 UPI) has the school seen a better campaign, and the best may be yet to come. A victory against undefeated Kansas in Arrowhead Stadium on November 24, followed by a win over Oklahoma in the Big 12 Championship Game in San Antonio, Texas, would very well land the Tigers in New Orleans, playing for its first-ever college football national championship.

Mississippi: On October 27, Mississippi State stunned #14 Kentucky. On November 10, Sylvester Croom’s Bulldogs upset coach Nick Saban and his #21 Alabama Crimson Tide, 17-12, becoming bowl eligible for the first time since 2000. Good luck finding a ticket when they host Mississippi November 23.

Montana: it'll be hard to better Montana State’s 19-10 stunner over the Colorado Buffaloes last season--at the time the biggest upset of a D1 school--but on November 17, the unranked 6-4 Bobcats host 10-0 and #3 ranked Montana, looking to avenge last year's 13-7 loss. Whatever the result, it will be a win for the ages for one of these Montana colleges.

Nebraska: Talk about your roller coaster seasons. It feels like years ago, but just this past September 15 we had #14 Nebraska hosting #1 USC, with ESPN College GameDay on hand for what seemed to be the biggest game of the young 2007 season. Eight weeks after being routed 49-31 by the Trojans, the Cornhuskers end up making amusement park history as the only school ever to give up 70 points one week and put up 70 the next. Memorable indeed.

Nevada: Nevada hosts unbeaten and #12-ranked Hawaii in a nationally-televised battle November 16. A Wolfpack win would be talked about for years to come. But even if they lose, 2007 will still be memorable—for a loss. In this case, Nevada’s historic, four-overtime loss to Boise State, 69-67, on October 13. Each school eclipsed 600 yards of total offense, and the 136 combined points they scored set an NCAA record for the highest-scoring overtime game in history.

New York: Were it not for the feat of tiny Appalacian State, Syracuse’s inexplicable September 22 upset at #18 Louisville may well have been this season’s biggest shocker. No one, NO ONE imagined this one coming.

North Carolina: See State, Appalacian.

North Dakota: If top-ranked and 10-0 North Dakota State stumbles on its way to the NCAA Division 1-AA national championship, the 8-1 North Dakota Fighting Sioux, #7 in the D2 polls, are ready to make history, the kind usually reserved for the school’s perennially strong hockey program.

Oregon: So has the University of Oregon done anything memorable in 2007? Hmm. They rolled into Ann Arbor and handed Michigan its worst home loss in 40 years, 39-7. Their offense executed flawlessly and could have scored 70 if they wanted. As good as this win was, it couldn’t touch the Ducks’ dramatic 24-17 triumph over those big, bad USC Trojans on October 27 in Autzen Stadium. Followed by a 35-23 pasting of #6 Arizona State the following week—Oregon’s second win over a top-10 team in as many weeks. The Ducks are currently 8-1 and #2 in the BCS standings—meaning, theoretically, they win out and they play for the national title—while in nine weeks, quarterback Dennis Dixon has gone from anonymity to the Downtown Athletic Club in New York City, home to the Heisman Trophy presentation.

Ohio: Ohio State started the year getting ready to play Florida in the BCS Championship Game, then spent much of the 2007 season atop the rankings. Although they were upset on November 10 by Illinois, they only dropped to #7. A win over Michigan, coupled with two higher-ranked teams knocking themselves out in head-to-head contests, and who knows. Six teams are ranked higher than the Bucks. They need five of them to lose. Two already will. So three of the remaining four teams have to lose, and all of them play rivalry and/or conference championship games. Don’t count the scarlet and gray out just yet—especially this year.

Oklahoma: Even after being upset by the Buffaloes in Boulder, the Oklahoma Sooners may well win their way to the BCS Championship Game in New Orleans. Bob Stoops has OU sitting at #4 in the BCS poll, just behind Kansas and just ahead of Missouri. They’ll meet one of these teams in San Antonio for the Big 12 Championship, and the strength of that victory could well propel the Sooners to a top-2 ranking, with its first national title since ‘99 in the cross-hairs.

South Carolina: Coach Steve Spurrier and his South Carolina Gamecocks handed #8 Kentucky its first loss October 4 on national TV. And they host their #15-ranked in-state rivals from Clemson on November 24. But the school with the program-making win is Wofford. The Terriers caught the attention of the football world—okay, they became the answer to a trivia question at least—by upsetting the upset king, Appalacian State, 42-31 on September 22.

Tennessee: The Volunteers have played an entire season under the radar, and despite cries for the firing of coach Phil Fulmer, they find themselves 7-3, #20 in the BCS and in control of their own destiny. Two more wins and the Vols are playing for its first SEC Championship since 1998.

Texas: Forget the Horns, Aggies or Red Raiders. West Texas A&M is 11-0 and ranked #4 in the D2 standings, winning the Lone Star Conference for the third straight season. Although their D2 Championship bracket is formidable, with fellow unbeatens Grand Valley State (MI) and Nebraska-Omaha, few schools have put together a three-year run as impressive as the Buffaloes. The school most famous for such alums as Duane Thomas and “Mercury” Morris hopes to end 2007 with its first D2 national championship.

Virginia: Unfortunately, 2007 will be a year Virginians will never forget, after a senseless on-campus massacre on April 16 claimed the lives of 32 Virginia Tech University students. Still coping with the tragedy themselves, the school’s football team shouldered the burden of helping a grieving community try to move on. The Hokies banded together, winning eight of ten games and giving the university something to celebrate. Courage in the wake of immeasurable loss is a lasting memory in itself.

West Virginia: Two years ago West Virginia finished 11-1 but didn’t come close to the BCS title game. Last season they were 9-2 and weren’t even mentioned among the nation’s top schools. Today the Mountaineers are 9-1 and #6 in the BCS. Should WVU win its three remaining games, they may find themselves headed to New Orleans. Of the five teams ranked above them, three are from the same conference (Oklahoma, Missouri and Kansas) and must play each other; another (LSU) must survive a conference championship game; and the last (Oregon) has two tough road tests before facing its arch-rival. Stranger things have happened in seasons more normal than this one.

Wisconsin: The Wisconsin Badgers rose to the #5 national ranking after beating Michigan State on September 29 and extending the nation’s longest winning streak to 14. But the reason fans will never forget 2007 is because of the 37-21 pounding UW handed Michigan, their biggest home win ever over the Champions of the West and the school’s most lopsided defeat of the Wolverines in 45 years.

As to the other 14 states out there (yes, I'm counting you Alaska... keep up with Hawaii why don't ya?), all I have to say is this. If not this year, WHEN?

A Weekend With The Wind: M 28, NW 16 (day 1), TIGERS 13, CHISOX 3 (day 2)

(Above photo: a long line of Wolverines give chase, but no one catches Wildcat RB Omar Conteh as he scores what would be the Wildcats' only TD of the day. Below: Tiger players congratulate themselves after routing the Chicago White Sox, 13-3, on the final day of the 2007 season. Both photos taken by yours truly.)

The thing about having a town like Chicago five hours away is, you don't really need much persuasion to spend a weekend there. No interrogations necessary. Keep the incriminating family photos in the file, you won't need them here.

I'm a sports freak, true dat. But a sports freak of efficiency. I lay in waiting for opportunities like the one last June, when a mere two-and-a-half-hour car ride separated me from seeing two Detroit teams play important games in the same city over a weekend (at the time, the plan was to watch the Pistons eliminate the Cavs that night… who knew the opposite would happen?) Oh well, at least the Tigers pounded the Indians the following day.

This past weekend presented another of these opportunities. The last series of baseball's regular season, which happened to find the previous two pennant winners locking horns—a sure thing in terms of potential meaningfulness, right? The defending 2006 AL champion Tigers and the 2005 World Series champions from Chicago. Three games on the Sox side of town, sandwiched around the Wolverines' date in Evanston, a scant 30 minutes north of the Hancock tower. (See photo of author at stadium, taken by my Sparty friend and travel companion Douggie B.)

Of course, these things always look better on paper, months in advance. Back when games had yet to be lost, when a team's prospects were such that the games still seemed relevant. Once September rolled around, of course, the White Sox found themselves hopelessly below .500, and the Tigers had begun a late-season nose-dive coinciding with Cleveland’s catching fire and the New York Yankees playing like the team that has been to the last dozen playoffs. Then, enter Appalacian State. Then, Oregon.

So what once was a weekend most Detroiters would spend around their TVs, had become an excellent reason to rake the leaves. But no worries. It was still too good to pass up (see first sentence). My friend and I decided to make the trip, staying in Evanston Saturday night and catching the Sunday baseball game, since nothing was at stake.

As is the case with Ann Arbor, another wonderfully vibrant and exciting Midwestern city finds itself surrounded by thousands too engrossed in their academic pursuits to take full advantage. The Northwestern campus is captivating enough, with its vine-laden, century-old halls and towering oak groves (not to mention a city with one of the better used CD stores I’ve ever had the pleasure of browsing and its very own symphony). But the fact that this little bit of paradise sits along the windy shores of Lake Michigan makes it all too good to be true.

Ryan Field stands a good distance away from central campus, one of those geographical mysteries where you find yourself searching for the thing until you bump your head on the grandstand. The stadium itself is a sombrero-shaped thing of beauty, its bleachers spilling onto the grassy inclines of each end zone. Once known as Dyche Stadium (they changed the name recently, and all Dyche got was a plaque just off the sideline), Ryan Field has the distinction of having its highest points right on the 50 (so even the crappy tickets are still pretty good). The stands were split between yellow and purple shirted supporters, with the southern side almost entirely occupied by Wolverine faithful.

Northwestern has always given Michigan fits, at least since Gary Barnett’s Rose-Bowl bound Wildcats climbed up that rubbertree plant and upset Brian Griese’s #5 Wolverines 19-13 in Michigan Stadium back in 1995. The following year, 1996, was even more painful. Michigan led, 16-0, late in the third quarter and ended up losing 17-16 on a last-second field goal. 1998 saw Michigan prevail, 12-9, in an absolute downpour that engulfed Evanston and rendered the Wildcats' grass field a mud pit. In 2000, Michigan lit up Ryan Field for 51 points... and still lost. I can still see Anthony Thomas, having gained the victory-clinching first down, trying to score instead of protecting the ball. He was stripped of the ball, Northwestern recovered, game over. And just last year, the Wolverines were #2 in the nation and the Wildcats were nothing. Yet it took a fourth-quarter TD to ice a 17-3 Michigan win.

This year seemed like much of the same, as Wildcat QB C.J. Bacher found Rasheed Ward for a 64-yard pitch-and-catch on the game’s first play from scrimmage. The drive stalled and Northwestern coach Pat Fitzgerald chose to trot out the field-goal unit for a 27-yard kick instead of going for a short fourth down. 3-0 Cats with two minutes gone.

Chad Henne started, seeing his first action since the first half of the Oregon game, and led the Wolverines downfield. The Pennsylvania senior completed five of seven passes on the drive, the last of which Mario Manningham cradled as he tiptoed across the goal line. The 11-yard touchdown gave Michigan a brief 7-3 lead. Then Northwestern got to work. Working from that spread offense the Wolverine coaches love so well, the Wildcats caught the Wolves napping as tailback Omar Conteh took a quick handoff and ran 49 yards untouched for a 10-7 lead.

Two field goals grew the Northwestern lead to 16-7 at intermission, as delirious Wildcat fans rejoiced. But no one was lighting the south-campus clock tower purple just yet, as is school tradition after football victories. There were two quarters left to play. The Wolverines came back with a Henne-to-Carson Butler TD pass, to pull within 16-14, but Northwestern continued the inspired play they displayed in the first half, and the score remained the same until midway through the fourth quaarter.

Coach Fitzgerald, who prides himself on conditioning his team to play hard for the full 60 minutes, could only watch helplessly as his well-oiled purple machine sputtered and ultimately ran out of gas. First, defensive lineman Brandon Graham knocked the ball out of Bacher's hands and linebacker Shawn Crable recovered. Four plays later, Henne hit Adrian Arrington on a slant route to give Michigan its first lead since the first quarter, 21-16. On Northwestern's next drive, senior DE Tim Jamison grabbed a batted pass and returned the ball deep into Wildcat territory. Michigan missed a field goal, but forced another Northwestern turnover as linebacker Obi Ezeh grabbed a Bacher pass and galloped to the NU 26. Hart broke off a long run off the Jake (left) side, then scored from the one to make it 28-16. The victory was sealed on Northwestern's next possession, when Crable stripped Bacher of the ball and tackle Terrance Taylor fell on the loose ball.

For me, it was a perfect afternoon. An exciting game for four quarters, with Michigan pulling away in the end for a double-digit win. The game ended and we mulled about the post-game tailgate parties, unknowingly walking in concentric circles around a most-delicious smelling pig roast. Game over, now on to more important things. Like making dinner plans in Evanston.

The following day, another sunny sky greeted us as we made our way south, back into downtown Chicago. We approached the new Comiskey Park, amazed at the crowd for such an insignificant contest. But two great teams, the White Sox and Tigers, have tasted success. And two of the nation's best baseball cities have awakened as a result.

We parked. We found tickets. We entered the park. And we headed up. And up. And up. And up. The parking lot grew distant. The trees grew distant. As we reached the top of this gargantuan structure, the Chicago skyline greeted us with a smile, saying, "wherever you are around town, don't forget you're in Chicago!"

Our seats were on the third base side, so high up that we could nearly read the Rawlings imprint on each towering pop-up. We picked the right day to come to the old park (okay, new park... but old-looking). Not just because the Tigers ended up crushing the White Sox 13-3. Not just because I had a clear view of the scoreboard, allowing me to witness the final game of the Great Mets Collapse Of 2007 first-hand without access to any sharp objects. And not just because while we watched Detroit pounding Chicago in baseball, TVs in the stadium bars were showing Detroit pounding Chicago in football (scoring an NFL-record 34 fourth-quarter points in the process). But because of all the Detroit Tiger milestones we had the chance to witness in a single game.

First, Placido Polanco singled in the third inning, his 200th hit of the season. Polanco was given an extended ovation as he stood at first base, which was cool. Then, Carlos Guillen hit a towering two-run homer to right field. It was Guillen's 100th RBI of 2007, so we gave him a strong ovation as he took a curtain call afterward. Then there was Magglio Ordonez. He only went 3-for-4, clinching the American League batting title with a .363 average. Very cool. Gave him a strong ovation as he left the field after hit #3 in the eighth inning. Not since stormin' Norman Cash in 1961 had a Tiger won such an honor. Then, And finally, one last roar from 2007, a seven-run seventh, capped by Sean Casey's last hit as a Tiger (it was announced the day before that Detroit would not bring him back in 2008) and Mike Rabelo's first career dinger. Gave Casey a strong ovation as he was pulled for a pinch-runner, and gave Rabelo a strong ovation as he joyfully rounded the bases. Yes, we were way up there but you could tell he was ecstatic.

Oh, and I almost forgot. Curtis Granderson went 3-for-4 just like Maggs, allowing him to surpass the .300 plateau (he finished at .302). Chicago's Jim Thome singled in the first and was replaced, allowing home-town fans to shower him with one last ovation for reaching the 500 HR mark. Sorry, Thome. I don't shower anyone from Chicago.

So we went down to field level for the final two innings, right behind the Tiger dugout, and took in the final swings of a delicious 10-run rout. After the final White Sox out, the 88-74 Tigers of 2007 came out of the dugout as one, joined by the entire bullpen, and saluted the Detroit fans who made the trip West. The very fans, they figured, who've made the past two seasons unlike any in recent Detroit Tigers history. Many tossed baseballs into the crowd. Granderson signed a number of his bats and gave them out. And manager Jim Leyland circled the infield, clapping over his head to show his thanks to everyone. The Tiger faithful, who by the final inning had congregated along the first-base side, cheered uncontrolably. It sure felt spontaneous to me at least. Not to be outdone, the 72-90 Chicago White Sox emerged from their third-base dugout and, accompanied by the PA announcer, thanked fans for their support throughout 2007. Nice try, guys. A minute late and a few runs short.

All things considered, not a bad weekend. A big Michigan win, a delicious seafood dinner in Evanston, a fun night out (among other interesting people we met was the guy who makes the Oscars... the actual awards given to the actors and directors!), and a big Tigers win over the Chicago White Sox.

So what's next? Where's the next weekend trip? Maybe Toronto next September; I've been dying to catch the annual Wings-Leafs home-and-home preseason games, many people do it and it sounds like fun. What else? Well, here's what I've found in the foreseeable future that may be worth a try, if you have the time, love of Detroit sports, appropriate method of transportation and inclination:


FIRST WEEK OF DECEMBER 2007:

Detroit Pistons @ Milwaukee Bucks - Saturday 12/1, 8:30pm
Detroit Lions @ Minnesota Vikings - Sunday 12/2, 1:00pm

the plus side: tickets should be easy to find; see the Metrodome before it's gone
the minus side: bit of a drive; not much time to spend in the more fun place (Minny)


HOLIDAY GETAWAY 2007:

Detroit Pistons @ Indiana Pacers - Saturday 12/29, 8:30pm
Detroit Lions @ Green Bay Packers - Sunday 12/30, 1:00pm

the plus side: Pistons & Pacers are both playing well; Lions are actually good this year; Lions & Packers could be playing for NFC Central championship
the minus side: heck of a long drive; weather may be horrific; Lambeau tickets expensive & hard to find; outdoor stadium in Green Bay in last week of December


ROSES ARE RED, RED WINGS ARE TOO:

Detroit Red Wings @ Phoenix Coyotes - Saturday 12/29, 9pm
2008 Rose Bowl: Michigan Wolverines vs TBD - Tuesday 1/1/08, 2pm

the plus side: Detroit flights to Phoenix much easier to get than LA; Rose Bowl tickets may be easier to get since Michigan was in Pasadena last year; Phoenix arena is known to be partisan Wings crowd
the minus side: requires Michigan win over Ohio State; requires stay in Arizona and drive to Los Angeles; even though easier to get, tickets are still Rose Bowl tickets meaning harder to find and very expensive


CALIFORNIA DREAMING (EXTENDED MIX) 2008:

Detroit Red Wings @ LA Kings - Tuesday 1/22
Detroit Red Wings @ Anaheim Ducks - Wednesday 1/23
Detroit Pistons @ LA Lakers - Thursday 1/31

the plus side: Wings play within an hour's drive on consecutive nights; tickets to both Wings games are easy to find and affordable
the minus side: requires 7-8 night stay in LA (best if you can stay with a friend); Laker tickets at Staples Center difficult to find and expensive


EASTWARD HO! 2008:

Detroit Red Wings @ Buffalo - Sunday 3/2 3pm
Detroit Pistons @ Boston - Wednesday 3/5 7pm
Detroit Pistons @ NY Knicks - Friday 3/7 7pm

the plus side: potential for 3 games in 6 nights; can spend the following weekend in NYC which never sucks; three storied places to watch Detroit teams play
the minus side: Celtics and Knicks tickets may be difficult to find; lodging is more expensive in NY & Boston; requires a drive home from New York in early March


FOUR DAYS IN OHIO, FOUR DAYS IN OHIO:

Detroit Red Wings @ Columbus Blue Jackets - Sunday 3/16 3pm
Detroit Pistons @ Cleveland Cavaliers - Wednesday 3/19 8pm

the plus side: cities in close proximity with each other; see Lebron in his home; short drive from Detroit
the minus side: three days in between games with nothing to do; Cavs tickets may be difficult and/or expensive


SPRING IS HERE, APRIL 2008:

Detroit Pistons @ Minnesota Timberwolves - Tuesday 4/1, 8pm
Detroit Red Wings @ Chicago Blackhawks - Wednesday 4/2, 8:30pm

the plus side: trip from Minny to Chicago is nice this time of year; can arrange to spend extra time in either city; can make the trip using your own automobile
the minus side: not a short drive to minny (10 hours +/-); middle of week, the week before Easter at that.

I already know what my next sports trip will be. Spring Training 2008. Oh yeah baby. This time, I'm taking a week off and catching every team in Florida. A game a day if not two, as it should be. I can't wait till the schedules come out!

Hooked On Lionics: Eagles 56, Lions 21

Hey kids! Especially all you young football fans out there. I know what you've been thinking. How can a team as good as your undefeated Detroit Lions lose by so many points to a team like the Philadelphia Eagles, who hadn't won a game all year? How does that make sense? How can it be?

I know how you feel, my tough little troopers. The People's Blogger feels your pain. Because your Detroit Lions are my Detroit Lions too, since long before you were born. And they've broken my heart just like yours. I'd tell you how many times but you so wouldn't believe me in a zillion years!

I cried my first Lion tears way back in 1970. Yes, before there was even ESPN. My Lions won 10 games and went to the NFC playoffs for the first time in my life. Their quarterback was Greg Landry. He wore these big black boots so he looked really slow, then when he couldn't find an open receiver he'd run and nobody would catch him. They also had a guy named Sanders who was so good he's in the Hall of Fame now. No, not Barry Sanders. Charlie Sanders. If Landry threw the ball anywhere near him, #88 would jump, leap, dive, whatever it took to come down with it.

But the most exciting player on the Lions offense was this Heisman Trophy winning tailback from Oklahoma. No, not Barry Sanders. The Heisman Trophy winning tailback from Oklahoma before him. No, not Billy Sims, the other guy--Steve Owens. You may think the Lions love drafting wide receivers. But the players they REALLY can't resist are Heisman Trophy winning tailbacks from Oklahoma. In fact, if Adrian Peterson won the Heisman instead of Troy Smith, no way would you be wearing that blue #81 jersey right now! Nuh-uh!

Anyway, back to the story. My Detroit Lions couldn't be stopped that season. They even beat the Green Bay Packers twice, by a combined score of 60-0! And although they had to travel to Dallas for the NFC playoffs, the Cowboys had never won a playoff game, ever. It was all good. So how did my Lions do? They held those Dallas Cowboys to just five points. But they didn't, couldn't score a single point themselves the whole day. Yup, my Lions lost 5-0.

I'd never heard of a football game with a final score like 5-0. As it turned out, my Lions were part of the lowest-scoring NFL playoff game ever, the first without a touchdown. And they didn't see the playoffs for another 12 years, when they became the first team to enter the post-season with a losing record in 1982. At least when the Lions fail, they don't merely fail... they make history!

See? You can even find good in the worst of times, all you have to do is look hard enough. So don't hang your replica helmet-covered heads, lads. It's time to turn that frown upside down... take those lemons and make lemon chill... find that Honolulu-blue-and-silver lining... you get the idea. There's a lesson to be learned this week too. In fact, I've already beaten you to it. No longer will you sulk in defeat. Instead, you'll grow better, stronger and most of all, wiser, after your first lesson in Lionics.

Lionics?

That's right--Lionics! Learning through Lions football. I taught myself how to multiply by seven, from counting all the touchdowns the Michigan Wolverines scored back in the early 1970s. Yes, before there were even personal computers. As you'll see by this sample quiz below, these Lions of ours can teach us way more than just simple arithmatic. I've but merely scratched the surface here, for the possibilities are indeed as endless as the pain.

So sharpen your mental pencils, boys and girls, and let the fun begin!


INTRO TO LIONICS - SAMPLE QUIZ


1. MATH--UNITS OF MEASURE

In last Sunday's loss, both quarterbacks--Philadelphia's Donovan McNabb and Detroit's John Kitna--combined for for 821 passing yards. Or roughly:

A: 1/2 mile
B: 1/4 mile
C: 3 kilometers
D: the lenghth of a standard, school-issued protractor


2. SCIENCE--GEOGRAPHY

A dejected Lions fan leaves his 50-yard-line seat at halftime and exits the stadium. If he were to travel a distance equal to the Eagles' total first-half yardage, he could:

A: enter Camden, New Jersey
B: throw himself off of the Walt Whitman Bridge
C: reach the Delaware River and wade in over his head
D: follow I-95 south, past the Wachovia Center to the Broad Street exit, then continuing north through Franklin Delano Roosevelt Park and turning right (east) on Patterson Avenue, eventually arriving at the Spectrum


3. SOCIAL STUDIES--AMERICAN HISTORY

The Lions headed into Philadelphia last Sunday with a 2-0 record. A win away from their first 3-0 start since the ________________ administration.

A: Clinton
B: Adams (Quincy)
C: Reagan
D: Carter


4. CIVICS--STATE FACTS

If the Eagles were instead named after Pennsylvania's state bird, the Lions would have been thorougly humiliated last Sunday by the Philadelphia ___________________.

A: Hummingbirds
B: Ruffed Grouses
C: Yellow-Bellied Sap Suckers
D: Pago Togafaus


5. ENGLISH--LITERARY HYPERBOLE

The Lions' next road game is October 7 in Washington, where they have not beaten the Redskins in 21 tries. The day Detroit wins in Washington will be the day

A: Hilary Clinton wins in Washington
B: xbox releases Halo 46
C: rising water levels from global warming immerse Washington, forcing the team to relocate and become the NFL's first aquatic-based franchise, the Waterworld Redskins
D: I finish staining my deck
E: all of the above, with a side order of fire and brimstone

ANSWERS: 1-a; 2=c; 3=d; 4=b; 5=e.


NOTE TO PARENTS: I did what I could. I told it like it is without actually breaking their spirit, then found a cause for hope so they may leave this site the better for it.

As your self-appointed beacon of hope, I faithfully pursue the challenge of finding that faint sliver of light within the murky depths known as Detroit Lions football. Once again we were lured with the bait of a promising season. Once again we were hooked, then reeled in and ultimately cut loose: anguished, left to flop about in our Ford Field seats like so many steelhead on the floor of a fishing boat.

Donning throwbacks in an apparent tribute to the days before color coordination, the Philadelphia Eagles seemed determined to celebrate their 75-year anniversary with an equal number of points on the scoreboard. Four minutes into the second quarter they had already hung 35 on the Jumbotron. Eventually they relented, capitulating to a conciliatory drubbing of the once unbeaten Detroiters. Powder blue with the gold 56, Powder blue with the silver 21.

In a city whose basketball and hockey teams have combined for six league championships over the past two decades, whose baseball franchise is a year removed from an American League pennant, the once storied Detroit Lions are clearly the runt of the four-sport litter. A team of silver-headed stepchildren, dragging along a string of losing seasons that reaches back into the previous millenium.

Yes, before there were even iPods.

MICHIGAN 38, IRISH 0: Somebody Call A Priest

Notre Dame couldn't have come at a better time for the Michigan Wolverines, still reeling from the dominating performances of Appalacian State and Oregon.

There. Thought I'd start yet another U-M post with something i never dreamed i'd write.

For the third straight week fans lingered around Michigan Stadium after the game, staring at the scoreboard in disbelief. (See photo of this week's version, taken by yours truly.) A typical Saturday in Ann Arbor has turned atypical, and we're just halfway through September. As a drenched Bill Murray once droned in Caddyshack, "the heavy stuff's not comin' down for a while."

The most passionate of the Wolverine faithful--you know, those runway models in the dazzling Zubaz maize-and-blue tiger stripe pajama pants and coordinating large plastic weasel hats--we need to think of them in times like these. This season hasn't been easy on their minds, much less their tickers. Licenced therapists all over Washtenaw County have ascended to single-digit speed dial priority, and spend many a billable hour tossing out coping mechanisms like beads at a parade. Yet even these psychological professionals must be grasping at straws to explain what's been going on inside the Big House. Can a football program experience mid-life crisis?

Well if that's indeed the diagnosis, than Notre Dame was the bright yellow Mustang convertible Michigan needed. Particularly on the defensive side of the ball, where the Wolverines had allowed over 1,000 yards of total offense in two weeks--a third of what they surrendered all last season. Notre Dame, on the other hand, generated a mere 266 offensive yards in their two games, and not a single net yard on the ground. This was an opportunity for atonement. And coach Lloyd Carr eyed it the way Brittany Spears eyes a cheese appetizer.

The result was a resounding 38-0 triumph, one that left the partisan Wolverine crowd appreciating every point of it. A week ago, the season lay in ruins with two humiliating losses and quarterback Chad Henne out of the lineup. Yet despite being on its death bed, this resilient team refused to follow the light, returning instead with a new lease on life and a fresh sense of purpose. So today they are proud once again, and undefeated entering the Big 10 season. Proud. Undefeated. Was it really only seven days?

Senior tailback Mike Hart backed up last week's guarantee with 187 rushing yards, effortlessly evading arm tackles and taking the heat off of quarterback Ryan Mallet, Henne's missle-launching understudy. The tall, lanky freshman returned the favor by running the offense as if it were his to run all along. Mallet succeeded by sticking to the basics: minimize mistakes, avoid risky situations and stay within the Michigan offensive philosophy. Nothing says that better than the fact that he managed to throw for three touchdows without reaching 100 yards passing. Now that's executing the Michigan offensive scheme!

In contrast, Notre Dame didn't reach 100 yards, period. Bright spots? For an offense packing all the excitement of a farm subsidy report, there were few if any. Freshman quarterback Jimmy Clausen acquired a taste for tiny black balls of ground-up tire, having been pile-driven into the faux turf eight times by tag-teaming Wolverine grapplers. Short of turning around at the snap of the ball and tackling Clausen themselves, the Irish offensive line couldn't have given the Wolverine defense an easier afternoon. Their three-game total now stands at 23 sacks allowed. And backup QB Demetrius Jones left school because he thought he wouldn't get a chance to play? The number-five guy may be getting snaps by November.

As for rushing... yeah, about that. The Irish attack netted minus six yards. This stat deserves more than a sentence worth of emphasis. Put it this way: a half-hour before kickoff Notre Dame's offensive players emerged from the Big House tunnel--already six yards ahead of where they'd end up four quarters later. Those same players then ran over toward their supporters at the southern end for pre-game warmups, entering an opposing end zone for the first time all season. And the last time on this afternoon.

If there were a Notre Dame "highlight", it had to be the brilliantly executed, 4th-and-11 fake punt in the second quarter that couldn't have been timed any better. (Then again, successful fake kicks always seem well-timed in retrospect, don't they?) Momentum was squarely on the winged-helmet side of the field; those in the freshly sprayed gold helmets needed a sign, any sign, to tell them they still had a chance. The Irish punter did that flailing-arm jump that fools no one on the field but conveniently tells those of us in row 78, "Hey, there's a fake going on here so wake up!" Travis Thomas took the short snap and scampered 13 yards. The play now stands as Notre Dame's longest from scrimmage all season.

Credit Irish coach Charlie Weis for the call--not many of us are keen enough to catch an 0-2 Michigan team being overconfident in the first half. Then again, you have to be pretty bad to make an 0-2 team overconfident in the first place. Perhaps Weis actually anticipated being down by more than three touchdowns halfway through the second quarter, so he had the play drawn up and waiting.

No matter. In the end, all the trick play did was wake up the Wolverines like nothing Coach Carr could say, throw, hit or bite the head off of during halftime. After 30 minutes, Michigan's lead represented a 66-point turnaround over that of the previous week. The defense, in need of redemption after surrendering 73 points to App State and Oregon, refused to yield throughout the second half. The reserves also held the listless Irish at bay, keeping them from the idea of even a long field-goal. Shoe 38, Cockroach 0.

As humbling as this 2007 campaign has been for Wolverine fans, it could be worse. Just imagine following the Irish. In a rivalry between the two winningest programs, the last few renewals have turned flat-out ugly for the domers. Three of the last four seasons have seen the Wolverines whip up on Notre Dame, with last year's 47-21 rout sandwiched by identical 38-0 Ann Arbor beatdowns.

Wake up the echoes? Not hardly. Those echoes need defibrillation. They're on life support, and calls are going out to the next of kin. An Irish student watched his band's post-game performance wearing a green shirt, impulsively edited with masking tape, that seemed to say it all.

It read, "Play like a pion today."

OREGON 39, MICHIGAN 7: Did You Just Say That?

On sidewalks all over Ann Arbor, in the sports bars that have become a cultural staple of midwest, up and down the halls of the business world, strange things are coming out of the mouths of the Michigan faithful. Things no Wolverine fan would ever dream of saying in the middle of September. Much less at all.

"When does basketball practice start?"

Yes, forty straight non-losing seasons can create a seismic pressure for success. The specter of a 4-8 or 5-7 campaign still seems unfathomable, despite this two-week surge of negative momentum. As strange as the losing is, it's this dogs-and-cats-living-together world of the unknown that's doing a number on the brains of maize-and-blue dobbers. The cupcakes who once lost games in Michigan Stadium from sheer awe, they're making history now. The sure victories are turning into resounding defeats. Suddenly, nothing is certain any more.

"Too bad Northwestern isn't a home game."

Despite the impressive performances we've seen from Michigan's opponents, one constant seems to be the Wolverines' inability to respond like, well, Wolverines. Players and coaches spent their third straight game week not prepping but rather, pontificating. This was yet another game where merely winning wasn't enough. Nnnnnnope. A statment had to be made.

Remember how disappointed the Wolverines were to be relegated to Pasadena last season? They let the world know the goal was not simply to beat USC, but to win by such a large margin that those who voted Florida into the BCS Championship game would be shamed at the thought of slighting the mighty Big Ten. The only thing shameful was the outcome: USC 32, Michigan 18.

Then, enter tiny Appalacian State. The little opponent that couldn't. Even Michigan coach Lloyd Carr spoke of his eagerness to get reserves in the game as quickly as possible. So how'd all that turn out? Here's a hint. If the nation's fifth-ranked team plays a Division 1-AA opponent and the following week it's a topic on Regis & Kelly, that's not good. App State 34, Michigan 32.

So once again this week, the talk this week wasn't of merely beating their opponent, in this case the Oregon Ducks. It was about showing the college football world who the Wolverines really were. Uh, careful what you wish for. Look kids... Big Ben... Parlaiment...

"How many wins do you need to be bowl-eligible again?"

By halftime, as it was last week, the road team was on pace to score 60. Even the Wolverines' storied "Point-A-Minute" heritage is no longer safe. But unlike last week, Michigan responded with a lifeless offense and a quarterback who couldn't walk much less throw. Once again, the defensive philosophy seemed to be this: watch the other team execute, then say, "Wow! Did you see that?"

The Ducks had nearly 400 yards of total offense at intermission, and ran the lead to 25. Effortlessly. Preseason All-America candidate Chad Henne went down with an undisclosed leg injury, and hopes turned to freshman Ryan Mallet. At least Coach Carr got his wish after all. This backup got plenty of snaps. Problem was, Michigan was the one on the business end of a blowout. And Wolverine fans--the mascochistic few who toughed it out--sat through a feature-length movie's worth of garbage time, Oregon style. The second half more closely resembled an NFL preseason game. In either case, winning wasn't part of the plan.

"When do Motor City Bowl tickets go on sale?"

For once, the Oregon Ducks left their bright yellow unis behind and let the scoreboard do the highlighting. (See photo, taken by yours truly, then note irony of "Hail To The Victors" sign underneath.) The school that made a name for itself with flash and blatant disregard for the sanctity of a traditional uniform--on this day they chose the low profile route. The Ducks showed up white-on-white, sans pants stripe--a simple script "Oregon" down each leg serving as such--and what appeared to be a tire tread on on each knee. A fitting footprint for a an offense that drove up and down the Big House balled-tire turf all day long, at will. In fact, they actually let the proverbial foot off the accelerator in the final quarter, out of pity.
Hot Knife 39, Butter 7. It was downright surreal. Oregon, taking mercy on mighty Michigan. To their credit, the Wolverine defensive reserves pulled themselves together for a goal-line stand in the waning minutes, then watched a subsequent Oregon field goal plunk off the right upright. Prompting one Michigan fan to launch into yet another momentary lapse of perspective.

"That's right--NO ONE puts 40 on us in OUR house!!!"

APPALACIANS 34, MICHIGAN 32: Bo Told You So

Ohio State's legendary lunatic, Wayne Woodrow Hayes, voiced his displeasure with the forward pass by saying: "When you throw the ball, three things can happen. And two of them are bad."

Woody's desciple from the state to his north, the late Bo Schembechler, held a similar opinion about the practice of padding a school's schedule with "cupcakes"--opponents that served as nothing more than sparring partners, providing a team with easy wins. During his reign at the University of Michigan, first as head football coach and then as athletic director, Bo made a point of welcoming any and all non-conference opponents to the Big House. Each year the Wolverines would play the likes of Miami (the Coral Gables version, not Oxford, OH), Florida State, Colorado, UCLA, Washington--all among the nation's top programs at the time.

The Wolverines did capitalize on name equity for the benefit of home cooking (rarely was there so much as a home-and-home deal, as most of these series were played exclusively in Ann Arbor). Nonetheless, this "taking on all comers" approach provided the program with something much more valuable than compelling September sports programming: it paved the way to a successful campaign. The greater the number of ranked opponents on a given schedule, the greater the likelihood of a "special" season. Michigan's best teams since the Bo-vs.-Woody era--1980, 1985, 1988-89, 1991, 1997--all happened to feature formidable non-conference slates.

Once that first Mid-American Conference opponent strolled out from the Michigan Stadium tunnel in September of 1995, Schembechler told anyone willing to listen that these "cupcake" games served no positive purpose. Anyone who boasts about Michigan's 10-0 record against the MAC conference conveniently fails to recognize its 4-6 record the week after playing a MAC opponent.

So earlier this year, when the opportunity presented itself to add an unprecedented eighth home game to the 2007 schedule, athletic director Bill Martin responded with an unprecedented move: he invited a Division 1-AA school. But this wasn't just any "cupcake", he would insist. This was the defending D-1AA National Champion Appalacian State Mountaineers.

If Bo were alive when this contest was booked, he'd have been first to ask, what good can come of this? Victory means nothing when it's an expected result. And unlike the MAC schools, a win over this opponent doesn't even count toward the BCS standings. Even a close call can be catestrophic, as evidenced by last year's nail-biter over Ball State. And any time you take the field, you run that slimmest of slim possibilities of coming in second.

Coming in second is precisely what happened on the ground-up Goodyear surface of the Big House on September's first Saturday. Someone forgot to tell Appalacian State that they were cupcakes. The players and coaches seemed to be under the impression that they were fresh off of a 14-1 campaign that saw them claim their second straight national title. (See photo, taken by yours truly.)

The Wolverines, who clearly got the memo, showed up ready to do a quick, pre-Labor Day walk-through. Yet the afternoon saw them stunned, bewildered and beaten, their jaws dropped in collective chagrin. Not since the most recent "To Catch A Predator" episode of Dateline have we witnessed so many "this isn't supposed to happen!" expressions in the same place. You'd think this team would have learned about overlooking opponents after last year's Rose Bowl, when they seemed more concerned with calculating the margin of victory needed to impress the voters than preparing for USC. (The Trojans beat them soundly, 32-18.)

On this gorgeous first day of September, instead of turning in a bold, polished performance, Michigan looked like an unprepared understudy at a Shakespeare festival, ad-libbing Hamlet's lines. The coaching staff was unsure of situations until each smacked them in the face (a fourth-down, goal-line situation at the end of the first half was met with surprise more than anything else); players were unsure of when to take the field or when to leave it (twice they lined up a player short on offense); star quarterbacks were unsure of which play to run (Chad Henne called time-out before the first play of the second half); and certain star running backs were unsure whether their number would be called (or whether they'd be in the lineup at all) during crucial stretches of the game.

Inside the historic stadium that was kicking off its 80th birthday--the game tickets bore an indelible image of Michigan's storied past, that of its first Heisman Trophy winner, Tom Harmon--the twin scoreboards read, 28-14, with two minutes remaining in the second quarter. Today, the "point-a-minute team" was not the one in maize and blue.

When the Aquatred crumbs settled, the little team that couldn't, did. The easy win, wasn't. Appalachian State's starters ran toward the South end zone to salute their fans, who drove, flew and did everything but mall-walk from tiny Boone, North Carolina, to witness some history of their own. Cheerleaders hugged anyone in a white uniform. The jubilant players and their equally-giddy coaching staff held a spontaneous team photo session on the maize "M" at midfield, while over their shoulders the Jumbotron's earth-shaking message filled the frame. David 34, Goliath 32.

So maybe Bo was right after all. Maybe Michigan should remove the "cupcakes" from future schedules for good. The irony of the old man's words belies one eerie truth not even he could foretell: in three tries, the Wolverines have not been victorious since Coach Bo passed away.