OREGON 39, MICHIGAN 7: Did You Just Say That?

On sidewalks all over Ann Arbor, in the sports bars that have become a cultural staple of midwest, up and down the halls of the business world, strange things are coming out of the mouths of the Michigan faithful. Things no Wolverine fan would ever dream of saying in the middle of September. Much less at all.

"When does basketball practice start?"

Yes, forty straight non-losing seasons can create a seismic pressure for success. The specter of a 4-8 or 5-7 campaign still seems unfathomable, despite this two-week surge of negative momentum. As strange as the losing is, it's this dogs-and-cats-living-together world of the unknown that's doing a number on the brains of maize-and-blue dobbers. The cupcakes who once lost games in Michigan Stadium from sheer awe, they're making history now. The sure victories are turning into resounding defeats. Suddenly, nothing is certain any more.

"Too bad Northwestern isn't a home game."

Despite the impressive performances we've seen from Michigan's opponents, one constant seems to be the Wolverines' inability to respond like, well, Wolverines. Players and coaches spent their third straight game week not prepping but rather, pontificating. This was yet another game where merely winning wasn't enough. Nnnnnnope. A statment had to be made.

Remember how disappointed the Wolverines were to be relegated to Pasadena last season? They let the world know the goal was not simply to beat USC, but to win by such a large margin that those who voted Florida into the BCS Championship game would be shamed at the thought of slighting the mighty Big Ten. The only thing shameful was the outcome: USC 32, Michigan 18.

Then, enter tiny Appalacian State. The little opponent that couldn't. Even Michigan coach Lloyd Carr spoke of his eagerness to get reserves in the game as quickly as possible. So how'd all that turn out? Here's a hint. If the nation's fifth-ranked team plays a Division 1-AA opponent and the following week it's a topic on Regis & Kelly, that's not good. App State 34, Michigan 32.

So once again this week, the talk this week wasn't of merely beating their opponent, in this case the Oregon Ducks. It was about showing the college football world who the Wolverines really were. Uh, careful what you wish for. Look kids... Big Ben... Parlaiment...

"How many wins do you need to be bowl-eligible again?"

By halftime, as it was last week, the road team was on pace to score 60. Even the Wolverines' storied "Point-A-Minute" heritage is no longer safe. But unlike last week, Michigan responded with a lifeless offense and a quarterback who couldn't walk much less throw. Once again, the defensive philosophy seemed to be this: watch the other team execute, then say, "Wow! Did you see that?"

The Ducks had nearly 400 yards of total offense at intermission, and ran the lead to 25. Effortlessly. Preseason All-America candidate Chad Henne went down with an undisclosed leg injury, and hopes turned to freshman Ryan Mallet. At least Coach Carr got his wish after all. This backup got plenty of snaps. Problem was, Michigan was the one on the business end of a blowout. And Wolverine fans--the mascochistic few who toughed it out--sat through a feature-length movie's worth of garbage time, Oregon style. The second half more closely resembled an NFL preseason game. In either case, winning wasn't part of the plan.

"When do Motor City Bowl tickets go on sale?"

For once, the Oregon Ducks left their bright yellow unis behind and let the scoreboard do the highlighting. (See photo, taken by yours truly, then note irony of "Hail To The Victors" sign underneath.) The school that made a name for itself with flash and blatant disregard for the sanctity of a traditional uniform--on this day they chose the low profile route. The Ducks showed up white-on-white, sans pants stripe--a simple script "Oregon" down each leg serving as such--and what appeared to be a tire tread on on each knee. A fitting footprint for a an offense that drove up and down the Big House balled-tire turf all day long, at will. In fact, they actually let the proverbial foot off the accelerator in the final quarter, out of pity.
Hot Knife 39, Butter 7. It was downright surreal. Oregon, taking mercy on mighty Michigan. To their credit, the Wolverine defensive reserves pulled themselves together for a goal-line stand in the waning minutes, then watched a subsequent Oregon field goal plunk off the right upright. Prompting one Michigan fan to launch into yet another momentary lapse of perspective.

"That's right--NO ONE puts 40 on us in OUR house!!!"