Tuesday, September 18, 2007

MICHIGAN 38, IRISH 0: Somebody Call A Priest


Notre Dame couldn't have come at a better time for the Michigan Wolverines, still reeling from the dominating performances of Appalacian State and Oregon.

There. Thought I'd start yet another U-M post with something i never dreamed i'd write.

For the third straight week fans lingered around Michigan Stadium after the game, staring at the scoreboard in disbelief. (See photo of this week's version, taken by yours truly.) A typical Saturday in Ann Arbor has turned atypical, and we're just halfway through September. As a drenched Bill Murray once droned in Caddyshack, "the heavy stuff's not comin' down for a while."

The most passionate of the Wolverine faithful--you know, those runway models in the dazzling Zubaz maize-and-blue tiger stripe pajama pants and coordinating large plastic weasel hats--we need to think of them in times like these. This season hasn't been easy on their minds, much less their tickers. Licenced therapists all over Washtenaw County have ascended to single-digit speed dial priority, and spend many a billable hour tossing out coping mechanisms like beads at a parade. Yet even these psychological professionals must be grasping at straws to explain what's been going on inside the Big House. Can a football program experience mid-life crisis?

Well if that's indeed the diagnosis, than Notre Dame was the bright yellow Mustang convertible Michigan needed. Particularly on the defensive side of the ball, where the Wolverines had allowed over 1,000 yards of total offense in two weeks--a third of what they surrendered all last season. Notre Dame, on the other hand, generated a mere 266 offensive yards in their two games, and not a single net yard on the ground. This was an opportunity for atonement. And coach Lloyd Carr eyed it the way Brittany Spears eyes a cheese appetizer.

The result was a resounding 38-0 triumph, one that left the partisan Wolverine crowd appreciating every point of it. A week ago, the season lay in ruins with two humiliating losses and quarterback Chad Henne out of the lineup. Yet despite being on its death bed, this resilient team refused to follow the light, returning instead with a new lease on life and a fresh sense of purpose. So today they are proud once again, and undefeated entering the Big 10 season. Proud. Undefeated. Was it really only seven days?

Senior tailback Mike Hart backed up last week's guarantee with 187 rushing yards, effortlessly evading arm tackles and taking the heat off of quarterback Ryan Mallet, Henne's missle-launching understudy. The tall, lanky freshman returned the favor by running the offense as if it were his to run all along. Mallet succeeded by sticking to the basics: minimize mistakes, avoid risky situations and stay within the Michigan offensive philosophy. Nothing says that better than the fact that he managed to throw for three touchdows without reaching 100 yards passing. Now that's executing the Michigan offensive scheme!

In contrast, Notre Dame didn't reach 100 yards, period. Bright spots? For an offense packing all the excitement of a farm subsidy report, there were few if any. Freshman quarterback Jimmy Clausen acquired a taste for tiny black balls of ground-up tire, having been pile-driven into the faux turf eight times by tag-teaming Wolverine grapplers. Short of turning around at the snap of the ball and tackling Clausen themselves, the Irish offensive line couldn't have given the Wolverine defense an easier afternoon. Their three-game total now stands at 23 sacks allowed. And backup QB Demetrius Jones left school because he thought he wouldn't get a chance to play? The number-five guy may be getting snaps by November.

As for rushing... yeah, about that. The Irish attack netted minus six yards. This stat deserves more than a sentence worth of emphasis. Put it this way: a half-hour before kickoff Notre Dame's offensive players emerged from the Big House tunnel--already six yards ahead of where they'd end up four quarters later. Those same players then ran over toward their supporters at the southern end for pre-game warmups, entering an opposing end zone for the first time all season. And the last time on this afternoon.

If there were a Notre Dame "highlight", it had to be the brilliantly executed, 4th-and-11 fake punt in the second quarter that couldn't have been timed any better. (Then again, successful fake kicks always seem well-timed in retrospect, don't they?) Momentum was squarely on the winged-helmet side of the field; those in the freshly sprayed gold helmets needed a sign, any sign, to tell them they still had a chance. The Irish punter did that flailing-arm jump that fools no one on the field but conveniently tells those of us in row 78, "Hey, there's a fake going on here so wake up!" Travis Thomas took the short snap and scampered 13 yards. The play now stands as Notre Dame's longest from scrimmage all season.

Credit Irish coach Charlie Weis for the call--not many of us are keen enough to catch an 0-2 Michigan team being overconfident in the first half. Then again, you have to be pretty bad to make an 0-2 team overconfident in the first place. Perhaps Weis actually anticipated being down by more than three touchdowns halfway through the second quarter, so he had the play drawn up and waiting.

No matter. In the end, all the trick play did was wake up the Wolverines like nothing Coach Carr could say, throw, hit or bite the head off of during halftime. After 30 minutes, Michigan's lead represented a 66-point turnaround over that of the previous week. The defense, in need of redemption after surrendering 73 points to App State and Oregon, refused to yield throughout the second half. The reserves also held the listless Irish at bay, keeping them from the idea of even a long field-goal. Shoe 38, Cockroach 0.

As humbling as this 2007 campaign has been for Wolverine fans, it could be worse. Just imagine following the Irish. In a rivalry between the two winningest programs, the last few renewals have turned flat-out ugly for the domers. Three of the last four seasons have seen the Wolverines whip up on Notre Dame, with last year's 47-21 rout sandwiched by identical 38-0 Ann Arbor beatdowns.

Wake up the echoes? Not hardly. Those echoes need defibrillation. They're on life support, and calls are going out to the next of kin. An Irish student watched his band's post-game performance wearing a green shirt, impulsively edited with masking tape, that seemed to say it all.

It read, "Play like a pion today."

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