Night Terrors

The distance between Michigan Stadium and Notre Dame Stadium is a scant 150 miles. When the sun sets, however, the two venues couldn't be further apart.

While the Wolverines have built two entertaining evenings around beating the Fighting Irish under the lights at the Big House in recent years——the 17-point comeback and last-minute heroics that crushed the domers in 2011, then last year's methodical destruction——their nighttime ventures just south of the Indiana border have been a nightmare.

Let the record state that not once in four tries have they scheduled a primetime matchup in South Bend that they could put in the books as a W.

The Wolverines' first venture was the first night game ever played at Notre Dame, in 1982. Deeply invested in the Gerry Faust regime at the time——with new uniforms to match, worthy of an Ohio high school team——the 20th-ranked Irish rode the strength of a packed house of screaming fans (as loud as 59,000 fans can be) to upset #10 Michigan, 23-17, limiting all-american wideout Anthony Carter to one measly albeit spectacular punt return touchdown.

This was also back in the day of Masco portable lighting, as Notre Dame Stadium had no permanent stadium lights back then. So four towers at each corner of the field were charged with generating enough light to illuminate the entire playing surface, leading to players accidentally getting an eyeful of the intense beams and losing sight of the ball, or an approaching opponent.

The nighttime football experiment proved successful in South Bend as Notre Dame would host other primetime contests during the 1980s and 1990s, ultimately installing permanent lights when the school expanded the stadium's capacity to 80,000 in 1997.

Michigan's next excursion to college football's self-appointed cathederal came in 1988. The #9 Wolverines were underdogs to #13 Notre Dame despite the higher ranking. And the team they faced was formidable indeed. Quarterback Tony Rice and tailback Ricky Waters tore up the Wolverine defense for 200 second-half yards, while Reggie Ho added his name to the long list of formerly unknown kickers who would crush the hearts of the maize and blue faithful. His four field goals nearly outscored Michigan's entire offense, the last being a 48-yarder with 1:13 remaining that proved to be the winning points. Mike Gillette, the kicker with a cannon for a leg, missed a 48-yarder of his own on the game's final play.

As it turned out, this game was a mere appetizer for the Wolverine heartbreak entree that was served up the following week. Bo Schembechler's boys couldn't hold onto a seemingly secure 16-point lead over Jimmy Johnson's #1-ranked Miami Hurricanes and lost, 31-30. The Irish, on the other hand, never looked back and, despite the graduation of Heisman Trophy winner Tim Brown, captured the national title with a Fiesta Bowl victory over West Virginia.

Fate was just as unkind to the Wolverines on their next trip to South Bend in 1990. Let by the good-as-gold Ohio tandem of QB Elvis Grbac and SE Desmond Howard, Michigan was in cruise control with a 24-14 second-half lead over the top-ranked Irish, destined to break their three-game losing streak at the hands of the evil Irish empire.

Until the collapse. After pushing the Notre Dame defense all over the field with punishing runs, coach Gary Moeller decided to take the foot off the neck on first and goal. Grbac tossed a pillow into the hands of linebacker Michael Stonebraker to kill the drive. Then, facing a third-and-17 deep in their own territory, Irish quarterback Rick Mirer heaved a desperate throw downfield, in the vacinity of spark plug wideout Raghib Ismael. As Irish luck would have it, the ball skipped off Ismael's helmet and hit receiver Lake Dawson in stride.

Mirer connected with Adrian Jarrell in the final minutes for the winning TD and Notre Dame extended its streak over Michigan to four games, ruining Moeller's coaching debut and causing me to get physically ill (the last time a sporting event would cause such a reaction… but then, the Irish haven't won two years in a row since).

Three trips to Indianatucky. And three defeats, heading into Michigan's most recent visit two years ago. After opening the season with a thorough Bama butt-whooping in the Jerrydome, the 18th-ranked Wolverines had put together wins over Air Force and UMass and hoped to recapture the "Under The Lights" magic from the previous year at the Big House.

No such luck. Denard Robinson (at right) looked more bewildered than heroic, throwing interceptions on four straight plays——twice to Heisman runner-up Manti Te'o——becoming Michigan's all-time leader in the category. Despite a seven-minute advantage in time of possession, the maize and blue never found the end zone all evening, and the Irish prevailed, 13-6.

As was the case in 1988, Notre Dame continued their winning ways all season long, reaching the BCS Championship Game where the Crimson Tide delivered a beating nearly identical to the one they handed Michigan. As was the case in 1982, the 2012 Wolverines went on to lose the biggest games on their schedule, finishing with an underwhelming 7-5 record.

Saturday night is the last chance to notch a victory under the watching eyes of Touchdown Jesus. A loss would render the Wolverines winless in South Bend for nocturnal eternity, or until the two schools get their heads straight and decide to renew one of college football's greatest rivalries.

At least I'm unbeaten at Notre Dame Stadium. I've seen Michigan play there twice: the 47-21 demolition of the second-ranked Irish in 2006, and the 2010 game, where Denard ran and passed for a staggering 502 total yards, including the winning touchdown run with 27 seconds remaining. So do I dare put MY perfect record on the line this year, or should I take this perfection to the grave with me?

As long as get-ins stay above $300, I think we have our answer.

Appy Ending: Wolverines 52, Mountaineers 14

Ignore the point spread and near certainty of this outcome. Forget the bitter rivalries that lay ahead. Make no mistake about it, this was the one game on the 2014 football schedule that the Michigan Wolverines absolutely had to win.

Had they gone into the second half against Appalachian State with the score even remotely close, ESPN was poised to cut into its other regional action for the breaking story. But no interruption was necessary, as the Wolverines from opening whistle to midfield handshake were determined to take the underdog out for a drive to the farm. Literally racing to a 35-0 lead at the break, Michigan destroyed the Mountaineers 52-14, tearing a hole into their defense that Cinderella couldn't sew shut, even with Rumpelstilskin's help.

Every aspect of new Bama coaching transplant Doug Nussmeier's offense was rolling as if the team were wearing Crimson:

Senior quarterback Devin Gardner, who last season led an offense that experienced more sacks than a Detroit auto assembly plant, was nearly flawless, completing all but one of his 14 passes for 173 yards, three touchdowns and a completion percentage that matched the 98 on his jersey.

The running attack, which hadn't seen a game with two 100-yard performances in nearly seven years, throttled up with a leaner, meaner Derrick Green (170 yards on 15 carries, see pic at left) and De'Veon Smith (115 on 8 carries, see above pic) alternating long dashes through the bewildered App State secondary.

The receiving corps, led by acrobatic wideout Devin Funchess, grabbed 210 yards worth of aerial gifts--Funchess providing one of the afternoon's many highlights with a monstrous, Megatron-esque touchdown grab over the heads of double coverage (see my pic below) to stretch the Wolverine lead to 21 points and touch off a prolific 21-point run in the last 3:59 of the half.

And the revamped offensive line, the weakest link of a dismal 2013 offense that couldn't muster 175 yards of total offense in three of its final four games, opened hole after super-highway-sized hole all day long.

With time to throw the ball (and I don't mean throw it away), Gardner ran the new pro style offense with effortless efficiency, using his multiple options to perfection. Perhaps most impressive of all was the rate at which the team put its points on the board. 63 yards in 4:44. 78 yards in 3:08. 82 yards in 2:00. 73 in 0:51. 75 in 3:24. 75 in 4:24. Seldom has 350 Michigan rushing yards felt so… rushed. For once in a long while it seemed like there was genuine urgency on the offensive side of the ball. They were downright impatient. (Oh how I remember the days of Gary Moeller, whose no-huddle offense was notorious for drawing delay of game penalties.)

As Ben Gedeon dove into the end zone after catching and returning a blocked Mountaineer punt 32 yards less than a minute before halftime, the Wolverines effectively sent a spoiler alert across the nation that there would be no embarrassment at the Big House today. Please take the glass slippers back to your point of purchase for a full refund.

So this season of redemption has started off as well as one could hope, with the order-restoring Mulligan of one of college football's greatest all-time upsets. The slate now becomes less historic, yet just as vengeful.

Next comes a trip to South Bend for the nationally televised Saturday night farewell contest with Notre Dame. The Wolverines, who've had great fun beating the Irish under the lights at Michigan Stadium, have never won a night game with Touchdown Jesus watching. In the great primetime fail of 2012, they threw interceptions on four consecutive plays, generating a measly two field goals in a 13-6 loss that triggered the perfect storm of a 12-0 regular season for the Domers.

Two weeks after that Utah returns to Ann Arbor, six years removed from ruining Rich Rodriguez's coaching debut 25-23 in 2008. That win sent the Utes on their way to a perfect regular season of their own. Coincidentally, both Notre Dame and Utah put their unblemished records on the line against Alabama. While the Irish were routed by Bama in the 2012 BCS title game, Utah crushed the Crimson Tide in the 2009 Sugar Bowl, ending the season as the nation's only unbeaten team.

Down the road are Penn State, Michigan State and Ohio State. But for now, a focused state will do. If Brady Hoke is able to instill one thing into his 2014 Wolverine team, it's to take things one redemption game at a time.