Had they gone into the second half against Appalachian State with the score even remotely close, ESPN was poised to cut into its other regional action for the breaking story. But no interruption was necessary, as the Wolverines from opening whistle to midfield handshake were determined to take the underdog out for a drive to the farm. Literally racing to a 35-0 lead at the break, Michigan destroyed the Mountaineers 52-14, tearing a hole into their defense that Cinderella couldn't sew shut, even with Rumpelstilskin's help.
Every aspect of new Bama coaching transplant Doug Nussmeier's offense was rolling as if the team were wearing Crimson:
Senior quarterback Devin Gardner, who last season led an offense that experienced more sacks than a Detroit auto assembly plant, was nearly flawless, completing all but one of his 14 passes for 173 yards, three touchdowns and a completion percentage that matched the 98 on his jersey.
The receiving corps, led by acrobatic wideout Devin Funchess, grabbed 210 yards worth of aerial gifts--Funchess providing one of the afternoon's many highlights with a monstrous, Megatron-esque touchdown grab over the heads of double coverage (see my pic below) to stretch the Wolverine lead to 21 points and touch off a prolific 21-point run in the last 3:59 of the half.
And the revamped offensive line, the weakest link of a dismal 2013 offense that couldn't muster 175 yards of total offense in three of its final four games, opened hole after super-highway-sized hole all day long.
With time to throw the ball (and I don't mean throw it away), Gardner ran the new pro style offense with effortless efficiency, using his multiple options to perfection. Perhaps most impressive of all was the rate at which the team put its points on the board. 63 yards in 4:44. 78 yards in 3:08. 82 yards in 2:00. 73 in 0:51. 75 in 3:24. 75 in 4:24. Seldom has 350 Michigan rushing yards felt so… rushed. For once in a long while it seemed like there was genuine urgency on the offensive side of the ball. They were downright impatient. (Oh how I remember the days of Gary Moeller, whose no-huddle offense was notorious for drawing delay of game penalties.)
As Ben Gedeon dove into the end zone after catching and returning a blocked Mountaineer punt 32 yards less than a minute before halftime, the Wolverines effectively sent a spoiler alert across the nation that there would be no embarrassment at the Big House today. Please take the glass slippers back to your point of purchase for a full refund.
So this season of redemption has started off as well as one could hope, with the order-restoring Mulligan of one of college football's greatest all-time upsets. The slate now becomes less historic, yet just as vengeful.
Next comes a trip to South Bend for the nationally televised Saturday night farewell contest with Notre Dame. The Wolverines, who've had great fun beating the Irish under the lights at Michigan Stadium, have never won a night game with Touchdown Jesus watching. In the great primetime fail of 2012, they threw interceptions on four consecutive plays, generating a measly two field goals in a 13-6 loss that triggered the perfect storm of a 12-0 regular season for the Domers.
Two weeks after that Utah returns to Ann Arbor, six years removed from ruining Rich Rodriguez's coaching debut 25-23 in 2008. That win sent the Utes on their way to a perfect regular season of their own. Coincidentally, both Notre Dame and Utah put their unblemished records on the line against Alabama. While the Irish were routed by Bama in the 2012 BCS title game, Utah crushed the Crimson Tide in the 2009 Sugar Bowl, ending the season as the nation's only unbeaten team.
Down the road are Penn State, Michigan State and Ohio State. But for now, a focused state will do. If Brady Hoke is able to instill one thing into his 2014 Wolverine team, it's to take things one redemption game at a time.
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