["SAD PUPPY" MUSIC FADES UP]
As long-suffering Detroit Lion fans know too well, "Millenium" starts with Millen. And as these loyal enablers have come to expect, a season under Millen ends with at least 10 losses.
That is, until now.
[MUSIC STOPS; CUE SOUND EFFECT OF NEEDLE YANKED FROM VINYL RECORD]
That nasty habit was kicked, abruptly and inconspicuously, today at Ford Field. In dropping the visiting Kansas City Chiefs 25-20--on the strength of two fourth-quarter stands by an awakened defense (see photo, taken by yours truly)--the Lions officially ended their string of double-digit-loss seasons at six. Proving once and for all that the second half of their season wasn't the death-spiral everyone had made it out to be.
Truth is, they're an up-and-coming football team who played consistent football all season long, despite one mother of a bottom-heavy schedule. At the halfway point, coach Rod Marinelli had this squad sitting at 6-2. The fickle, flat-earth fans who don't measure deeper than Ws and Ls--as well as the lion's share of local media--foresaw a post-season berth with all the certainty of a Jason Hanson 30-yarder. The more relevant issue was that of securing the most favorable playoff position.
Lost in the hysteria--after all, it was the Lions' first glimmering point of light since George H.W. Bush shared with us his thousand--was the fact that the team had not one impressive, eye-opening win. Not a single jaw-dropper to get Howie and Terry's flaps a-flapping the following week. The victory in Chicago was close, being that the Bears (losing record notwithstanding) were still technically the defending conference champs. And considering that Millen-era road wins within the division have been about as commonplace as Nintendo Wii systems on the shelves at Target. The Lions did pummel the Denver Broncos 44-7, at home, a solid team performance indeed given the failed opportunities of seasons past.
Yet, like the big-boned kid sitting on the teeter-totter, the other end of Detroit's schedule had all the meat, all the muscle, all the life to make up for the front part. Of the eight games comprising Act II of Season 74, six were against playoff teams--the Giants, Packers (twice), Cowboys, Vikings and Chargers. And three of those eight matchups involved 7-1 teams looking to ultimately lock down first-round byes. So good luck with all that, as they say.
Now we see that 1-6 should have been the expected result heading into the final week for this young team. A team struggling to find its identity, with a kiddie-pool-shallow roster peppered with injuries and limited talent and a field general figuring out how best to utilize it. And now they've secured their best record of the Millen era, even if they extend their drought at Lambeau and end up at 7-9. (Actually, the Lions' last road win against the Packers was 15 years ago, back when the Pack still played half its home schedule at Milwaukee's County Stadium... so I'm not sure offhand where their last win took place.)
Nonetheless, the best may be yet to come with the formerly Honolulu blue. Particularly when you consider my unofficial "Third Millenium, Even-Year, Rotating Detroit Championship" Theory. Here's how it goes: every even year this millenium, a different Detroit pro sports team has played for their league's championship. The Red Wings won the Stanley Cup in 2002. The 2004 Pistons stunned the basketball world by steamrolling the three-time champion LA Lakers to become NBA World Champions. And then in 2006 the Tigers, who hadn't even seen a .500 record since people played records, roared their way to the American League pennant and their first World Series since Ronald Reagan's first term. The next year in the numeric sequence is 2008. And if my little theory holds true, 2008 will be the Year of the Lion.
So it's not time to give up on your gridiron heroes, no sir, not yet. Just think about next year...
[INSPIRING MILITARY MARCH FADES UP AND UNDER]
...imagine an off-season trade for a legitimate quarterback, one who can better appreciate the talents of Kevin Jones, Roy Williams and Calvin Johnson... envision another season of solidarity for a young, talented O-line... picture a strong addition to a fiery young defense, preferrably a game-breaking DB who also loves returning kicks... then consider the role of karma, which HAS to turn the Lions' way at some point, right?
It all starts with the NFL draft next April. Man oh man, I can't wait to see which wide receiver they pick this time!
[MUSIC STOPS; NEEDLE-DRAGGED-OFF-RECORD EFFECT]
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