THE ALCS: Why can't the Tigers beat the A's too?

[written and shared on 10/10/06, at 6:46pm... 90 minutes before the first pitch of game 1]

After my spot-on ALDS prediction (WHO else had the Tigers in four?), I couldn't just pass on making a call for the ALCS. That'd be like Jim Leyland resting Kenny Rogers for the remainder of the season. Here it is. You need not bother tuning in, because here's how it will go (you can thank me later):

Game 1-- Zito is masterful, and the Tigers' bats are somehow quieter than they were vs. the Yanks. Nate does much better than anyone expects, yet serves up a Home Depot Tape-Measure Shot to Frank Thomas (if they've yet to grab hold of that promotional opportunity, then I will!) and the kitties fall on this star-filled night. Oakland leads the ALCS, 1-0.

Game 2-- As we all know, whenever kitties fall they always land on their feet. So of course the Tigers rebound for a big win. Verlander doesn't last as long as he did in the Bronx, but he's just as effective nonetheless. Zu (spared in game 1) throws two big innings of heat (i even predict he clocks a 104 fastball!) and TJ closes it out. The series is now tied, 1-1, heading for the Brush Street Looney Bin.

Game 3-- The until-recently-nicknamed Coma is anything but. Tonight Comerica Park is loud and proud once again, providing a distinct advantage. However, the setting is far different than what we saw in the ALDS. First of all, our collective bile (a lovely thought) can't possibly reach the rolling boil it hit whenever those bleepin' Yankees were mentioned. Without an A-Rod to ridicule or a Jeter to jeer, the SRO crowd has no choice but to be merely pro-Tiger. And second, this weekend's games will see far more snowball fights in the stands than what we saw in Oakland. Light flurries are accompanied by a temperature that shivers its way toward the freezing point. Fortunately, the harsh elements won't faze our man on the mound, for he is older than snow itself. Kenny Rogers won't duplicate his VVS1-quality gem of an outing in game 3 of the ALDS, but he thows enough junk to back up the bats and bring home a Tiger victory. Look for a big game from Granderson and a huge catch by Monroe. Detroit leads the ALCS, 2-1.

Game 4-- This is the Milton Bradley game. By rule there has to be one per post-season series, and this will be it. Bondo gets pulled early to have a rusted front quarter-panel patched up. Miner and Miller fill in and keep our blessed boys close. But the well-rested and aptly-named Rich Harden throws seven strong innings, Bradley and Jay Payton get three hits apiece, and a furious Detroit late-inning rally falls short (with the bases loaded at that!) as the A's sneak one from the Tigers' paws on this cold Saturday. Suddenly, series is tied at 2... it's best of three again, but now Oakland gets back home field advantage. And for their last game in Detroit, the Tigers will face a rested Barry Zito.

Game 5-- Sixteen hours after being declawed in front of their home crowd, the kitties crawl back onto the Comerica turf. Little do they know they are about to play yet another Detroit Tigers game 5 classic. I fall short of saying Leyland will move Verlander up, but I'm just about there. Anyway, Zito stands tall, though the Tiger bats (particularly Mags and Guillen) punch enough holes to keep the fans' hopes alive. This one goes into the ninth, and our boys are down. They claw and kick and even get plunked, and walk/run the bases till Houston Street serves up the dramatic, series-saving hit to.... to... hmm, someone unexpected.... someone who's shared the pain we've all felt... now who would be the perfect candidate for a game-winning hit? Ah, got it. So the team mobs Inge as he rounds first, then prepares for the west coast. Now up 3-2, and just one win away from the pennant. The pennant!

Game 6-- Detroit jumps to a huge lead, Oakland gets a run here and there and before you know it, the thing's tied going into the tenth. Both teams figure this is THE game to win, and empty their bullpens to prove it. Jamie Walker gives up a double to Chavez to start off the A's 11th, but gets out of the inning with a key DP, leaving him on third. With Justin Duchscherer(er) on the hill, Mighty Casey sends the first pitch he sees deep into the RF stands, and Grilli closes out the A's in order in the bottom of the 12th.

Detroit wins the ALCS, 4-2. The Tigers spill out onto the field. Royal Oak bars spill out onto the streets. The "TigerVision" crowd inside Comerica Park--the dozen or so poor soles who survived the bitter night--leaves out of the same gate, in an attempt to create a spilling effect. And jubilant fans engulf a downtown that four decades ago was engulfed in the riotous flames of racism. When all seemed lost, this never-say-die team just refused to quit, drawing a rightful comparason to the world champions of '68. The similarities don't end there of course... for awaiting them are those same St. Louis Cardinals. And this Cardinals team, like the last one, is making their second World Series appearance in three seasons. With a manager eager to join Sparky Anderson as the only men to win world championships in both leagues. If Tony LaRusa doesn't join him, Jim Leyland will.

This is all beyond belief anyway. Isn't it? Really? They've made it this far. So why can't the Tigers reach the World Series?