THE WORLD SERIES: Game 2: Conspiracy Theories and Predictions (Was I Yelling?)

[written and faithfully submitted on 10/24/06, at 1:58pm... six hours before Game 3]

Yes, I was there inside Comerica Park for Game 2. And yes it was loud. No one in the park around me knew anything about the whole PineTarGate thing going on with Kenny Rogers. We noticed a few on-field meetings with the umpires but nothing seemed that far out of the ordinary, at least from my third base line POV.

While I'm on the topic... if I hear one more Cardinal fan make ANY reference to cheating--given the exuberance with shich they celebrated their hero Mark Mcgwire during his "sudden" explosion of home runs--I'll cover him with an unidentified substance. How soon we forget 1998, the year Grape Ape hit 70 dingers. The muscular whisp of an athlete we came to know in Oakland now sported knuckles calloused from dragging on the ground. His back had dreadlocks on it. Though I have a pretty good idea, I don't know for certain what that substance was on Kenny's hand. All i know is, he went into the dugout, washed the whatever-it-was off his palm, then proceeded to throw seven innings of 1-hit ball. Guess he really needed the stuff, huh?

The same eastern Missourians who told us eight years ago--between gulps of Budweiser--that anabolic steroids can't make you hit a curve ball any better, those are the same folks today who--between gulps of Budweiser--point their accusing fingers at the Tigers. They claim the mere residue of washed-off pine tar can dramatically change the direction of the ball. (I'll address this later.) They also call out manager Tony La Rusa as gutless for not going after Rogers when he could. Yeah, that's it. He's too timid to gain an advantage in the World Series. Tony Freaking La Russa. Good angle.

You want to know what I think? Well I'll tell you anyway.

1) Fox had to have tipped off either the umpires or the Cardinals (or both) about Rogers. This has been all but confirmed. One doesn't need but a few dozen active neuron connections to figure out that the network knew of this well before the first pitch. For if they didn't, their split-screen graphic of the substance on Rogers' pitching hand in the ALDS and ALCS would be nothing short of miraculous. What else can we make of these immaculately produced comparasons of a substance on his hand during both the ALDS and the ALCS? You want to tell me they could turn that info around, locate reference video AND do a final broadcast edit in the space of a commercial bed? Three grown, educated men in striped shirts can't even conclude whether a receiver's feet are in bounds in that space of time.

2) That being said, if any people could be referred to as cheaters, it would more likely be those with ties to the Cardinals organization. People who could have shared information. Oooh, I don't know, maybe our Fox friends Mr. Buck (whose daddy was the voice of the St. Louis Cardinals) and Mr. McCarver (who was on the Cards' 1968 roster and caught Game 7... in fact, if memory serves, he actually made the final out of the series). How could even the appearance of this be condoned? When have you ever heard of a broadcast network conspiring with one of the two teams during a league championship, against the other team? it's unprecedented.

3) La Rusa knew of Rogers' substance but may have been waiting for a more opportune time to call him out, should it present itself. In the same way Scotty Bowman just happens to call for referees to measure the curvature of an opponent's hockey stick the moment his team has a critical power-play chance. It's not coincidental. Don't you think the Cardinals' skipper would have loved to be the only one with the knowledge of the opposing pitcher's potentially improper conduct? don't you think he would have relished the chance to have Rogers ejected after, say, the fourth inning? And not simply ejected, but suspended for 10 games by rule, which unless this thing goes 13 games would remove him for the remainder of the series? That, in my opinion, was the hand he would have loved to play. Yet the news broke and spread so quickly that Rogers barely got in a half-inning's work before the hand-slap.

4) I'm not entirely sure La Rusa would dare call Rogers out anyway. At least without knowing his team was clean at the time. The biggest advantage of pine tar (if that is indeed the substance on Rogers' hand) is that it allows a pitcher to keep a grip on the ball in extremely cold weather. It may exaggerate a ball's movement if used in abundance, but its primary purpose is to aid one's control. As John Kruk mentioned during Sunday night's "Baseball Tonight" postgame show, most of the players on the business end of his pitches would just as soon give an opposing pitcher a cold-weather control aid. Because the alternative (getting drilled by errant 90+ mph fastballs) could impact--literally--the balance of their careers. La Rusa knew pitchers on both teams had to be using it in some way. And how could he rightfully call out Rogers when he likely had enough tar in his own bullpen to seal his driveway?

Prediction: The Cards win tonight with last year's Cy Young winner beating Nate Robertson. The Tigers, behind a strong Bondo outing, tie it up at 2 tomorrow night (and Bonderman, after retiring the side in the seventh, will hold up his clean throwing hand for all to see). Verlander comes back stronger than ever, and the kitties' offense awakens as they roar to an impressive win in Game 5. Get ready for the parade, right? Wrong. With the eyes of the galaxy on Rogers, the clean-handed 41-year-old gives up three runs on this night, while his bats only score two. We go to Game 7. As it was 38 years ago, as it should be today. In a move that appears based largely on nostalgia, Leyland gives the start to aging donut-shop owner Mickey Lolich, saying, "If anyone out there knows how to close out the Cardinals, it's the Mickster". Okay, maybe not. But Rogers aside, anyone with an arm is available. Bondo gets the start, Verlander throws two, Zumaya throws two, Robertson, Grilli, Walker, Miller... at three balls for a dollar, you'll all get a chance to dunk the principal, so stop fighting! The Tigers blow it open in the 5th and 6th, as the Cardinals' reserve tank finally peters out. Todd Jones gets the final out, forcing Incarnation to ground out to Inge (the first I-to-I final out in World Series history, incidentally), and the city goes Chernobyl.

I'm not saying this just 'cause I have tickets for Games 6 and 7. Honest.